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Infectious negative energy

masonic1

Registered User
Ok fellas here is what I'm dealing with. I am working with a young guy who wants to be a mason bad, he works along side myself and another mason brother of ours and he seems like a good guy but here comes the issue. This guy has a very infectious negative energy and from the issues that he faces I feel as though his negative energy is self inflicted and he is the only thing standing in his way from breaking those chains and becoming a very uplifting and positive brother. While I like him, I do not like the space that he puts me and others in especially my fellow masonic brother because we are always positive and happy and in search of nothing but positivity. So what I would like to do is hear from you guys and your opinions on how you would handle this situation personally cause it is bugging me at this point and keep in mind that through all of this, he just keeps asking me and my fellow brother to vouch for him to be petitioned and made a mason but in my soul I just do not feel that it would be right to do that since I just don't feel like he has even the basics of a potential mason brother to even bring him to the lodge with me to meet my elder brothers even just to talk.


Charles Anderson Lodge No. 1314
 

Bro Darren

Premium Member
Wow, tough one facing you. Honesty does not need to hurt and can be done in a loving way.

Maybe talk to him about the basics of what makes for a mason man as I'm sure he'd be open to hear about things. Explain what it means to you and to others (general) and that before a man can petition, he must do some personal sole searching. That all applicants need to be the right place to grow from.

I guess what I'm trying to say is to get him to examine himself without being with out saying how you feel about his attitude.
 

masonic1

Registered User
This is very interesting and true, but what if he is the type who only further gets disappointed and saddened by any news that is not in his favor? He seems like he only falls backward the more that happens instead of picking himself up and saying NO I will not allow myself to be defeated so I will push myself to create nothing but positive energy and move forward.


Charles Anderson Lodge No. 1314
 

Bro Darren

Premium Member
That's why I referred to you telling him what it takes to be a mason man. Point out all the important factors.

He should then, by default examine himself and see his own flaws when it comes to negative attitudes.

When one is "self convicted" he can then make the right steps to change.

If its just pointed out, and there is no self conviction one will never change.
 

masonic1

Registered User
I will definitely take this approach brother thank you. To all brothers who read this post please still provide your thoughts on this topic cause I would love to hear many different opinions.


Charles Anderson Lodge No. 1314
 

2B1

Registered User
Masonry is a journey of self-reflection and introspective. This is lesson for you as well as him. You can only go the length of your cable tow. You cannot knowingly vouch for a person that you would not vote for to receive membership. I think your lesson in this is to respect the light that you represent. This young man may start to change his perspective and opinion of himself if you have a warm and frank conversation with him. If he responds well then you both benefit, and there is always next year. If he responds negatively, then you and your lodge dodged a potential problem. Be true to your obligation.

2B1Ask1
 

Jericho2013

Premium Member
I would never vouch for anyone that I would not be proud to introduce to my brothers. If he truly wants to be a mason for the right reasons I would say work with him and see if he is able to improve himself. If he's that bad he may actually need a therapist. Remember we want good men that we through masonry can make better men.
 

Brother_Steve

Premium Member
Is his displeasure job related or does he have a general displeasure with life?

Have you socialized with him outside his work setting to see what kind of person he is?
 

coachn

Coach John S. Nagy
Premium Member
Ok fellas here is what I'm dealing with. I am working with a young guy who wants to be a mason bad, he works along side myself and another mason brother of ours and he seems like a good guy but here comes the issue. This guy has a very infectious negative energy and from the issues that he faces I feel as though his negative energy is self inflicted and he is the only thing standing in his way from breaking those chains and becoming a very uplifting and positive brother. While I like him, I do not like the space that he puts me and others in especially my fellow masonic brother because we are always positive and happy and in search of nothing but positivity. So what I would like to do is hear from you guys and your opinions on how you would handle this situation personally cause it is bugging me at this point and keep in mind that through all of this, he just keeps asking me and my fellow brother to vouch for him to be petitioned and made a mason but in my soul I just do not feel that it would be right to do that since I just don't feel like he has even the basics of a potential mason brother to even bring him to the lodge with me to meet my elder brothers even just to talk.


Charles Anderson Lodge No. 1314

Be frank with him, if you believe it shall not affect your working relationship. Let him know Masonry is about improvement. He wants something from you, and you should have no problem asking for something in return. Tell him he is likable, and that he has a general and genuine negative energy that would not affect the lodge well, should he be admitted. Make a deal with him. Ask him to show his interest in improvement by significantly changing his negative energy tendencies over the next 4 months and you'd be happy to discuss his petitioning further.
 

Bro.doyleUK

Registered User
It very much sounds to me that this guy needs to find the right mentor in order to change his method of thinking and alter his circumstances for the better.
Then freemasonry can only strengthen the positive changes and his life can and will change for the better.


Freemason Connect HD
 
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Bro.doyleUK

Registered User
It very much sounds to me that this guy needs to find the right mentor in order to change his method of thinking and alter his circumstances for the better.
Then freemasonry can only strengthen the positive changes and his life can and will change for the better.


Freemason Connect HD




Freemason Connect HD
 

Frater Cliff Porter

Premium Member
You already know the answer.

I would make certain he did not become a Mason.

I would have a nice long talk as difficult as it is with him as to why.
 

Chalms

Registered User
Your obligation to Masonry dictates that you do not vouch for him at this time.

Your obligation to your fellow man dictates that you do all within your cable tow to guide him on his path to light. That may mean being a good example, lifting him up with general positive words, having a frank and direct conversation, or any combination...

My opinion, if he has asked directly about Masonry he has opened the door for you to answer directly about the minimum character required of a Mason.

Best of luck. Seek light.


Freemason Connect HD
 

masonic1

Registered User
You guys have all been great with your replies to this topic thank you so much for being so helpful!


Charles Anderson Lodge No. 1314
 

timgould

Registered User
I concur with what others say here. The foundation of Masons are taking a good man and making him better. It sounds like the foundation isn't quite prepared yet with this gentleman. Perhaps you can challenge him to "wait". I have had to have that same conversation with my own father. He too expressed interest, but is not at a place in his life where I could honestly vouch for his character right now. He has potential, but things must get squared away first. I encourage him to wait it out. And told him that he was not yet ready to become a mason. This has challenged him personally to look at his life and reexamine his actions. He has taken this delay as a way to motivate himself to change. Perhaps this might work also with this gentleman. Good Luck.
 

Trufflehound

Registered User
My intent, here, is not to put you on trial for what you've said. It's just that it's difficult for me to understand how you feel about this man, because your statements appear contradictory to me.

masonic1 said:
...he seems like a good guy but here comes the issue. This guy has a very infectious negative energy...
masonic1 said:
...his negative energy is self inflicted and he is the only thing standing in his way from breaking those chains and becoming a very uplifting and positive brother.
masonic1 said:
....in my soul I just do not feel that it would be right to do that since I just don't feel like he has even the basics of a potential mason brother...
A lot of these quotes are at odds with each other (in my opinion). And from the sound of the decision to be made, i don't envy you for having to make it. It sounds like a tough one. In the end, you'll do what you feel is right, but I'll leave you with an Old Tiler Talk that I've found useful for similar (even though not quite the same) situations.

THE DISLIKED PETITIONER

"I am much disturbed!" announced the New Brother to the Old Tiler.

"Tell me about it. I have oil for troubled waters. If your water on the brain is disturbed, maybe I can soothe it!"

"I doubt it! I heard the name of Bedford Jones-Smith read out in lodge tonight as a petitioner. I don't want Bedford here!"

"That's nothing to be disturbed about," answered the Old Tiler. "You have a vote, haven't you? If you don't want to wait until he comes up for ballot, go tell the committee what's the matter with him." The Old Tiler leaned back in his chair as if the question was settled.

"There isn't anything the matter with him!" cried the New Brother. "If I could explain to the committee that Bedford was a rascal, or beat his wife, or stole money, or had been in jail or something, it wouldn't be a problem. But so far as I know Bedford Jones-Smith is correct to the point of perfection. He is a thoroughly respectable man. I dislike him extremely. He rubs me the wrong way. I despise his unctuous manner; he shakes hands like a fish. I think he wears corsets, and he is the most perfect lady I know, but there isn't a thing against him legally, mentally, morally! The committee will find him 100 per cent Simon pure, and this lodge will receive the original nincompoop, the pluperfect essence of idiocy, and the superheterodyne of jackasses, as a member!"

"Anything to stop you voting against him?" asked the Old Tiler. "It's your privilege to cast your little black cube in secrecy against any man you don't like."

"That's where the problem comes in! I know I can do it. I know that I don't have to let Bedford Jones-smith into my Masonic home if I don't want him, any more than I have to let him into my everyday life. It's just because I can keep him out that I am troubled. If I do, I'll feel that I did a mean act. Yet I don't want that double-distilled ass in this lodge!"

"Suppose you dig a little deeper," suggested the Old Tiler. "Just why don't you want him?"

"Because I don't like him!"

"And just why don't you like him?"

"Because he stands for everything that I despise; he never plays games, he never works, he never does anything except wear fashionable clothes, go to parties, and is an irreproachable escort for dumb Doras. He's not a man, he's a wearer of trousers!"

"Sounds harmless," said the Old Tiler. "He can't pink tea here, can he? He certainly can't bring any dumb Doras to this lodge. We don't need any games played here, and we have so many men in lodge who never work at it that one more won't hurt."

"But it will make me uncomfortable to have him around."

"Then keep him out!"

"Oh, you exasperate me! I come for help, and you laugh at me. What shall I do?"

"Really want to know?" asked the Old Tyler, the smile fading from his face.

"I really do!"

"Then I'll tell you. Snap out of your conceited, selfish attitude. Get rid of the idea that your comfort, your feelings, your happiness are so important. Get hold of the thought that Masonry is so much bigger than you and Mr. Jones-Smith rolled up into one that together you are not a fly speck on its map, and separately you can't be seen! Try to imagine yourself a part of a great institution which works wonders with men and forget that you are so important!

"By your own showing, nothing is the matter with this gentleman except that you don't like his ways and manner. Doubtless, he doesn't like yours. To him you are probably a rough-neck, a golf-playing, poker- playing, automobile-driving, hard-working, laboring man. He might not want to join the lodge if he knew you were in it! He has different standards. That they are not yours, or mine, doesn't make him poor material for Masonry. The fact that he wants to be a Mason shows he has admirable qualities. That he is moral, and respectable, shows he has manhood. That his manners don't please you is no reason for keeping him out. To keep a man who wants them from the blessings of Masonry because of personal dislike is a crime against those teachings of toleration which Masonry offers you. Let him in. Try to help him. Try to show him there is something else in life beyond fripperies and foolishness. Maybe you can make a regular Mason out of him. But don't vote for him unless you are really prepared to take his hand and call him brother.

"Better let your conscience hurt you for being a snob than to have it hurt for being false to your obligation of brotherhood. Better realize you are a selfish and opinionated person than that you are a bad Mason, a forsworn member of the fraternity, a traitor to its principles, a..."

"For the love o' Mike, let up on me! I'll vote for the simp- for the man, I mean- and try my best. Old Tiler, Masonry has such a lot to do to make me a regular man, I'm afraid I'll never learn!"

"You are getting there, son," observed the Old Tiler, smiling with satisfaction. "Not every young Mason will admit he is an idiot even when it's proved!"

http://phoenixmasonry.org/Old Tiler Talks.pdf

I'm not sure if that's helpful to you or not, but I believe there's a lot of wisdom in that story. Good luck to you.
 
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Michael Hatley

Premium Member
If he is the sort of man that poisons conversations, that brings everyone around him down and so forth - then I'd simply not invite him to lodge. It is true that Masonry is about making good men better, but it isn't therapy.

It is a bit of a curse that we have, I think, that some of the best men we know show no interest in Masonry, and some of the most mediocre fellows show the most. It is almost painful and something pretty well all of us experience.

Personally I simply would not vouch for a man that requires any kind of serious "reform". Making good men better is different than making deeply flawed men good.
 

Bro.doyleUK

Registered User
Masonic one, Just out of interest how is your freind/colleague and may I ask his he is still perusing masonry?
Also his "self inflicting" negativities...
Have they declined or improved since your original post?
 
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