......, is that cause to reject a candidate?
While the last thing we would want to do is cause friction between husband and wife - but this would not stop him is my first response...
How i dealt with this would depend if I knew her and how well. In any instance if she raised it with me (which I would encourage and even solicit) , I would look her in the eye and tell her
"When I joined Freemasonry, it all seemed a bit weird to me, and I promised myself if there was anything in the ritual I didn't like, I would get up, and walk out of the lodge. Thirteen years on I am a three times past master and joining Freemasonry was one of the best decisions I've ever made. It's also been great for my family, you should meet my partner, what sort of food do you like ? ...... " Invite to dinner... girls talk... hopefully sorted... but if not, ultimately it is for the applicant to manage his wife's concerns, not me. I can assist in explaining and providing the best example of the value of freemasonry, but that is all. I can facilitate her favourable opinion, but that's all. It's his decision if he want's to join and what effect that will have on his relationship. We want guys of sound judgment and good character, if he wanted to push forward and his wife was super resistant, he's probably on the wrong track and I might well express that opinion, but unless he showed a flaw in character during the process, I can't see how I could reject him based on his wife's opinion of Freemasonry.
I've been here. One guy I proposed, his wife said it was okay but she wanted nothing to do with lodge. And she never does formally, but last time I was at their place for dinner, 3 out of the 4 guys there were masons and she knows it and likes them- the man in question, a good friend he has made in lodge and me. His wife understands it's value to all of us - will drop in for wide social events (and sales) but has never been to an install or lodge dinner. She doesn't realise how strong masonry has been in keeping our friendship going... but she has called me to "get my brother on track" LOL....
Which reminds me of another wonderful story of about 5 years ago... . Another friend had a partner who wanted nothing to do with lodge. My better half wanted to go to a restaurant where they serve a banquet for 20 and I got the job of getting the folks together (it was early in our relationship and I think she was skeptical I could get the numbers)... so I'm assembling a group of about 10 couples, and drew them from two lodges and also another friend. There was nothing "masonic" about this function, just G and I wanted to go our to dinner for a banquet for 20 and I was getting the bodies together, asking couples we knew who would like it and like each other..Anyway, I asked this brother to bring his wife, he said she didnt come to lodge functions, I said it wasn't a lodge function, there just happens to be some masons coming - so don't tell her that, just ask if she wants to go to dinner with G and I and a bunch of friends... she came. Funny thing was, the bros from both lodges didn't know each other, and I'd not told them who was going, when we the boys went out for a cigarette (non smokers also came of for air), someone said something "masonic" and everyone clicked they were freemasons except for the 1 cowan we had with us, and it was all lodge talk and well met brothers. I then said it's not a lodge function and lets not talk "shop" upstairs, also mentioning how one of the brothers wives refuses to go to lodge functions, so let's not make it one.. all were happy, Freemasonry might be ever present, but it should not always be centre stage (how boring are folks who talk of nothing but lodge!)...... when we got back, the girls had all clustered together and were laughing about something obviously having a great time... anyway, we all had a great night.. I was told later the brother and his wife were on the way home and she was very enthusiastic about his friends and the night and he hit her with "everyone male there except Anthony was a freemason" and in someways it was pretty typical of a lodge social..... she was sold. When I was in the chair she even called me to complain the date I'd set for your weekend away clashed with a school reunion and she couldn't come.. she was there a few weeks ago at our bowls day and attends most functions espeically if my partner is going... both can't make our next lodge night (christmas function with ladies) but we are out to dinner with them Sunday instead.. so much for not wanting anything to do with lodge
Oh, and that Anthony character, it took a while, I we initiated him in November this year.
The lesson, all good things in good time