Fear of initiation

[phljo3]

My father was a freemason in the 50's & 60 and until his death in 2019. He or any other Mason could never give me comfort in the initiation process. I remember as a young man, my mother telling me
that my father came home (black man), white as a ghost, sweating and looked like he was scared to death and could not speak of what happened. My entire life so far i have always wanted to be part of
the brother hood but because of my fears and anxieties i never joined. I am now 60 and never have been part of any brother hood. I am alone and really have not much family left. Mother, father and
one son is gone from this earth. over the years i have heard stories like being locked in a coffin from being left alone with deceased people and these things have scared the beJesus out of me. I have my
fathers Mason paraphernalia in a box tapped shut and refuse to open it again, until i am worthy of doing so. I also have other family members and friends who are also freemasons.

I really petrified but i truly need brotherhood in my life and just need some peace and clarity to just not be afraid..

 

[Brother JStoffo]

Just do it. You'll live. I would love to hear that you finally get to open that box. It's worth it.

 

[Keith C]

No harm will come to you.

Every Freemason goes through the same experiences and have fond memories of them. The Degrees are more experiential lessons than anything else.

Fear no harm.

 

[phljo3]

Does it matter state to state, like does it differ

 

[phljo3]

My dad did his in New York City and moved to Virginia, where i am now.

 

[MarkR]

There have been lodges that have, in violation of their Grand Lodge rules, engaged in physical hazing. And there are still clandestine (unrecognized) bodies claiming to be Masonic in which physical hazing of candidates is commonplace, including actual beatings, like a gang "jumping in" ceremony. In any legitmate Masonic lodge, there is absolutely nothing to fear. I assure you that I do not haze, and I will not be hazed. Had there been anything like that in my initiation rituals, I'd have walked away and not looked back.

 

[phljo3]

Thank You so much for you comforting words ....

 

[Glen Cook]

Do you know the name of the Grand Lodge, the state wide organ of which he was a member?

 

[Bloke]

There have been lodges that have, in violation of their Grand Lodge rules, engaged in physical hazing. And there are still clandestine (unrecognized) bodies claiming to be Masonic in which physical hazing of candidates is commonplace, including actual beatings, like a gang "jumping in" ceremony. In any legitmate Masonic lodge, there is absolutely nothing to fear. I assure you that I do not haze, and I will not be hazed. Had there been anything like that in my initiation rituals, I'd have walked away and not looked back.

@phljo3
Good advice above.

I have been a Freemason for 20 years, joining was one of the best decisions you have made.
I would not join the group your father did, sounds like something irregular goes on in that group.