The Great Architect of the Universe shocked the world yesterday by announcing that effective immediately all of Freemasonry and the so-called appendant bodies were canceled. Speaking from His Great White Throne inside that House Not Made With Hands, He explained,"Look, they have had over 6000 years to get it right and they still don't have a clue. I gave them a simple system with everyday symbols that even an idiot could figure out and they've made it all complicated. Who needs 33 or more Degrees when it's all there in the first Three!"
"Masonry is really pretty easy to do right when you think about it, Trust Me, love each other, help those in need and be a good person. But do you think that they can stick to that?" the Eternal Father queried. "Heck no! They had to muck it up with endless passwords and hand shakes that even I have a hard time keeping straight! And what really burns Me is the one simple Word that I gave them, They LOST it!"
"Besides," He further explained, "they are dying out faster than new ones can replace them. And most of the ones coming in these days are more interested in free Spaghetti dinners or marching down the street dressed like an Arab in drag. But try and get one of them to come to a Lodge meeting to do a little Speculative Masonry and you will hear a million and one excuses. Or learn a Lecture, forget it!"
When asked if He had any plans to replace it with something else, The Great Architect paused for a moment and said, "I have been considering two options. Either NASCAR or Synchronized Swimming."
"I still love to watch a good circumambulation and even though it is done with cars, you can't beat NASCAR for going around in circles. And have you seen the crowds they draw? Freemasonry could never fill a stadium like that!"
When asked how Synchronized Swimming made it to the final two being considered, He replied, "It's just so darned pretty to watch, don't you think?"
"Masonry is really pretty easy to do right when you think about it, Trust Me, love each other, help those in need and be a good person. But do you think that they can stick to that?" the Eternal Father queried. "Heck no! They had to muck it up with endless passwords and hand shakes that even I have a hard time keeping straight! And what really burns Me is the one simple Word that I gave them, They LOST it!"
"Besides," He further explained, "they are dying out faster than new ones can replace them. And most of the ones coming in these days are more interested in free Spaghetti dinners or marching down the street dressed like an Arab in drag. But try and get one of them to come to a Lodge meeting to do a little Speculative Masonry and you will hear a million and one excuses. Or learn a Lecture, forget it!"
When asked if He had any plans to replace it with something else, The Great Architect paused for a moment and said, "I have been considering two options. Either NASCAR or Synchronized Swimming."
"I still love to watch a good circumambulation and even though it is done with cars, you can't beat NASCAR for going around in circles. And have you seen the crowds they draw? Freemasonry could never fill a stadium like that!"
When asked how Synchronized Swimming made it to the final two being considered, He replied, "It's just so darned pretty to watch, don't you think?"