Discussion in 'Philosophy, Religion and Spirituality' started by Ordsman, Aug 26, 2015.

  1. Ordsman

    Ordsman Registered User

    I have found that I have an amazing ability to hate others. Sometimes for many reasons, others for almost no reason at all. This bothers me because I am called to love others. Sometimes, I feel as though I am failing in my obligations and duties as a mason because I can't drop my hatred and love people. I think I do a good job at not showing hatred, but I know I am remiss at showing others brotherly love. To be clear, I don't hate everyone. In fact, if I know the person, I'm much more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt.
  2. Bro. Stewart P.M.

    Bro. Stewart P.M. Lead Moderator Emeritus Staff Member

    Have you considered counseling?
    coachn likes this.
  3. dfreybur

    dfreybur Premium Member

    If we were a 12 step program, you would have already taken more than 1 of the 12 steps.

    So you're human with a human frailty. You know about it and you are working to better yourself. "We make good men better" - You are now actively working on taking that process from unconscious improvement by the influence of good companions to conscious improvement by dint of your own effort.

    How old are you? Back when I was still in the college dorms I discovered I had the capacity to hate but that I mostly got over it in a span several of years. It's start out with a working assumption that this is a part of maturation and that you will pass out of the phase in a couple of years. That's how it worked for me so that's what I'll pray for in your case.
  4. coachn

    coachn Coach John S. Nagy Premium Member

    Although you did not directly ask for help, I shall share this:

    The whole of the Apprentice Work is about bringing Order to the Chaos of the Heart. Should you want to face your challenge and succeed where you believe you fail, I recommend doing the Apprentice Work spelled out within Ritual and Lectures. Within them are all that you need to do to Develop and Apply the Cement of Brotherly Love and Affection. Good Luck!
  5. pointwithinacircle2

    pointwithinacircle2 Rapscallion Premium Member

    Personally I deal with hatred using a philosophical approach. The study of philosophy has taught me that perception and reality are two completely different things. I have come to understand that hatred is not an external "thing" that happens to me. Hatred is a perception Perceptions are always reactions. Between the event and the reaction there is a tiny amount of time where I decide what my reaction will be. As I said, the amount of time is tiny, so if I am not paying close attention it can flit past me without my noticing. (It has been theorized that a habit is when one avoids looking at the tiny "decision space" altogether and simply uses the same reaction over and over without thinking about it)

    Examining every reaction that you have works well, but it is exhausting and time consuming. Fortunately there is a method that works well and can be done well in advance of any upcoming reaction. That method is to decide how you will react before things happen. (For example, the MM obligation contains of list of things that a Mason promises to do and not do, these are examples of deciding how to react before things happen.) The process used most often for affecting these types of decisions is commonly called prayer. Repeated often enough, this type of self-direction has been reported to work miracles on all types of situations. It seems to do this by pre-programming those tiny decision moments.
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2015
    Emjaysmash likes this.
  6. Glen Cook

    Glen Cook G A Cook Site Benefactor

    Hate, or dislike? I dislike a whole bunch of people. Hate? Very few. I represented an accused murderer last week whom I get along with quite well, though that may reflect more on my deviant personality makeup than my love of mankind.

    You indicate you are in law enforcement. I would urge that if you really do hate, that you look at counseling. This could well be problematic in your field.
  7. Warrior1256

    Warrior1256 Site Benefactor

    Agreed. I think a lot of people use the word "hate" simply out of habit when the actually emotion they are feeling is strong dislike.
  8. JamestheJust

    JamestheJust Registered User

    "“The French have a saying, perhaps from Voltaire: ‘Tout comprendre, c’est tout pardonner.’ To understand all is to forgive all."

    Perhaps understanding the other person is the start of the process.
  9. Bloke

    Bloke Premium Member

    It's not such a dumb response.

    Sounds like there is something going on to have such a strong emotional reaction.

    Can I tell you a story ? Many years ago I lived in a shared house of 3 men. One had a GF who he purchased a puppy for. She was terrible at training it "it's to little and doesn't understand" while it deposited faeces on the lounge and kitchen floor, chewed things and generally ran amok. My view and experience was the sooner you train an animal the better. I hated that puppy and one day alone in the house started yelling at it. Quite out of character. I caught myself. Whoa.. In my hate and frustration I realised I was hating it simply for being what it was. Simply for being there. And I realised, wow... this must be what racism is all about - irrational hate on sight. A great insight. I ended up adopting the puppy. I'd trained another dog to competition level, and the mutt became a near constant companion to me. They even offered to give her to me when they moved out "It's your dog" they'd said, but I was not in a position to do that. Over 15 years on, I still remember that moment when I was yelling. I understood why and changed my environment, the dog, household, and myself.

    Sounds like there is something going on with you bro... or maybe, being a policeman, you're in contact with folk worthy of hate, but what will it do to your soul over time ?

    "I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him." - Booker T. Washington
    "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." - Mark Twain
    Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. ~Henry Emerson Fosdick
    The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less. ~Eldridge Cleaver, Soul on Ice, 1968

    (I was looking for a quote I cant find... I hate that :) )
    Warrior1256, coachn and Emjaysmash like this.
  10. hanzosbm

    hanzosbm Premium Member

    I very much agree with dfreybur. I'll try not to delve too deeply into my own personal beliefs, but I will say that just as the world naturally moves towards chaos through entropy, I believe as humans, we naturally move towards destructive behavior; hate being a part of this. However, we have been given free will and intellect (from which springs self discipline) with which to combat this. Like an addict, we will never be rid of the destructive aspects of ourselves, but we have the ability, via very hard work, to resist it. However, in order to do this, we need to first be honest with ourselves and admit that it's there, that it needs to be fought against, and that it's going to be difficult, and then decide to do it.
    I have personally struggled with it (PTSD and the bouts of rage that can come with it don't help) and while it is a long and difficult road, if you'd like help, or just someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
  11. pointwithinacircle2

    pointwithinacircle2 Rapscallion Premium Member

    Everything begins as thought. Controling ones thoughts is the most difficult and rewarding thing that a person can do.
    Warrior1256 and hanzosbm like this.
  12. Warrior1256

    Warrior1256 Site Benefactor

    Well said brother.
  13. dfreybur

    dfreybur Premium Member

    To me it's a process that I've heard call strength in the heart.

    Make a decision. Think about the decision. Decide what to think. Keep thinking that until it becomes a habit. Build the habit until it becomes a part of our emotions. Build the emotions until it becomes a part of our character.

    The timing between the decision and the character can be minutes for some idea very much like what we already know or it can be a year for deciding on a serious revision of our ideas or it can be multiple years for deciding to reverse an idea we were brought up with.

    One of the reasons society advances is men notice an injustice and make the decision to change that injustice. One of the reasons societal change takes a generation of more is not all men use the strength of heart process so they have to grow old and die making room for a new generation raised knowing about that injustice.

    In Masonry we make good men better. To the extent we lead the way removing some injustice we make all of society better. There are ways we lead the world and ways we trail the world in this process. Go to an obligation on a Koran to see a way we lead the world on removing an injustice from the world. Is it hard or easy to see that obligation?
    Warrior1256 likes this.
  14. Zack

    Zack Registered User

    dfreybur likes this.

Share My Freemasonry