Marriage advice

[MaineMason]

Marriage is a contract. Kind of like our oaths and obligations. Such contracts should not be entered into without serious contemplation or with any evasion... or etc.
whatsoever.

I was married once. It was indeed a contract and involved love and fidelity. Some of you would be scandalized as to the gender of my spouse. None the less it was legal, respected, joyous, and he had the benefit of a Masonic funeral and the blessing of the Episcopal Church.

I suggest that no one enter into marriage lightly, or out of a false sense of obligation. Too many do that. Many people who can throw bible verses around do that all the time. When you pledge yourself to another, and I say this as a Mason, consider it as a solemn oath or obligation and don't take that oath unless you are sure you can keep it.

 

[Levelhead]

My first marriage ended because it started like that.

2 children later and im broke.

 

[MaineMason]

My first marriage ended because it started like that.

2 children later and im broke.

Personally, I am unlikely to ever be married again, though the fact that I actually was is somewhat exceptional. I will say, however, as a Mason, I have been extremely willing to cooperate with the family of my late husband because I have power of attorney over his estate which includes property. It's difficult, but I took an oath and so I will do what I have to do and stretch my cable-tow if I have to. I loved that man. I will do what ever I have to do to keep it right and share what I inherited with his family. I remember the Masonic funeral my Lodge gave him. I remember my obligations. I have an obligation not only to the Fraternity, but I have one to the family I took on and I will NOT fail.

 

[jjjjjggggg]

My dad told me the secret to a long healthy marriage was to not take any of his advice... he was married four times.

I've been married to my high school sweet heart over 12 years, and we've been together almost 20. She's been my best friend ever since I could even start driving.

We had a rough patch in the beginning, when we both still needed to mature and grow up. But we both worked hard and took the effort to make it work. I think we've arrived at a place where we know what to expect from each other and we know each other's intentions.

We did do some pre-marriage counseling with our pastor... but it wasn't as helpful as a book called "One Flesh" by Bob Yandian. It has a heavy Christian bend to it, but even though we both are no longer Christians, we know we owe a lot to what it taught us.

 

[dmurawsky]

I'm not really very qualified to post here since I've only been married for a little over a year... However my wife and I have been together for 10. We had a few rough spots while dating, and we even broke up once, but we kept coming back to each other. The key was realizing that the other person's happiness is just as important, if not more so, than your own. When both halves of the relationship believe and act on this, the whole couple becomes a shining example of matrimony. Remember, in a marriage, you have chosen to live your life no longer as a unit of one. You have to act that way and beat down any petty thoughts/reactions that are motivated by anything else. Since we both adopted this outlook, we have been a "perfect" couple. We still have the occasional argument, but we are now able to get to the root cause and compromise in such a way that we are both happy.
As an example, I make about twice as much as my wife right now. However, all of our money goes into one pooled account which we each take the same monthly allowance from. Initially I thought this was unfair, and it bothered me a bit. I kept telling myself, though, that this is best for my family and that it was the right thing to do. Fast forward a year, and it no longer bothers me. Further, we are in an excellent financial position as a result!
I would suggest that, when the next argument starts, you just stop. Say out loud "We are arguing again. Why? What is really bothering us?" Stop the downward spiral right when it begins. Find out what is really bothering the two of you at that point and address that instead of arguing about what is usually nothing. There are several books on this, and I would reiterate what others have said as well: couples counselling.

 

[rpbrown]

One thing I read was "it's been all demands and lies from us both". Perhaps that needs to be the starting place to change. If not her then it should fall on you as the head of the house. Demands and lies will never make a marriage work.
And as stated by others, marriage counseling.