Some Advice Needed..

Discussion in 'General Freemasonry Discussion' started by MasterShake, Dec 31, 2015.

  1. MasterShake

    MasterShake Registered User

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    Brethren,
    I have been struggling with PTSD for quite a while now, due to my 12 years in Public Safety. Things have gotten particularly bad the last few weeks, especially around Christmas. I drank rather heavily on Christmas since I was home alone. Then having an even worse day on Tuesday, I proceeded to drink heavily again..

    The events of that evening went from bad to worse, as is often the case with depression and alcohol. I drove home and I drove recklessly. I lost control of the vehicle as was bound to happen and totaled it, taking out a rather large tree in the process. I was actually quite disappointed that I survived, as bad as that sounds. I walked away with minor injuries, but am now looking at my first DUI, and rightfully so.

    This brings a whole new level of stress to my life. A DUI charge would effectively end my Public Safety career and put me out of a job and most likely my home. I also feel that this is most definitely conduct unbecoming of a Mason. I want to tell my lodge, but Masonry has been the only thing that has given me any sort of light in these dark times in my life. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. cemab4y

    cemab4y Premium Member

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    Please try to hold on. I have depression as well. You are not alone. Please reach out. Call 1-800-273-TALK.
     
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  3. Brother JC

    Brother JC Vigilant Staff Member

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    Please seek help. Alcohol and depression do not go well together (the voice of experience).
     
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  4. flipster

    flipster Registered User

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    I have worked in a Court for 37 years. I have run across several officers who got in tight jams from the alcohol or other vices. They are ordinary men who are called upon to do extraordinary feats to help others. I'm sorry to hear you of your current lot. I wish I knew you personally. Frankly, you probably don't know of the lives where you have been a great influence. I get visits from time to time from people I have dealt with in many years past. They want me to know they are doing well. Sometimes it is the children of people with whom I have worked. I think the days of the heavy drinking cops have come and gone. At least that is what I observe. Get some counseling, and work a program. Good luck, brother.
     
  5. Bloke

    Bloke Premium Member

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    Good advice above. You dont appear to like your situation, and it is unlikely to change without intervention and the first step in that is being strong enough to ask for change, and that will be your first step.... and keep asking and searching until you find something that works. You have one great advantage, you have the insight to see you are in a bad spot and seem to be looking to change that, so perhaps it's not as bad as it might otherwise be.

    For the record, I'm glad you survived your accident brother :)
     
  6. pointwithinacircle2

    pointwithinacircle2 Rapscallion Premium Member

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    Acceptance doesn't mean that you like the situation, it means that you see things as they are. Then you deal with them in the best way possible. Most people don't like to change, but sometimes life shows you that change needs to happen. It seems like you can still make choices about what needs to change. It is probably best to start making those choices before someone else gets to make them for you. P.S. - In my experience the ego is usually your enemy in this process. I don't mean to be harsh, but I believe honesty is a better companion than sympathy in these cases, and I have seen my share of them.
     
  7. Warrior1256

    Warrior1256 Site Benefactor

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    I was in law enforcement for 29 years. I know what kind of pressures you face. If you volunteer to get the help that you need it can possible save your career not to mention improve your own well being. I wish only the best for you in your journey brother.
     
  8. pointwithinacircle2

    pointwithinacircle2 Rapscallion Premium Member

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    At the risk of seeming redundant I offer the following description of acceptance, which I find to be well stated.

    "Mindfulness has to do with the ability to accept, in a non-evaluative and nonjudgmental fashion, both oneself and the current situation - and how one feels about it. Acceptance of reality is not necessarily approval of reality; it is simply not being blind to it, not resisting nor distorting it. Then we can see the truth."
     
  9. hanzosbm

    hanzosbm Premium Member

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    Having been in a similar place personally in the past, I'll echo the sentiments of others here; talk to someone. Hell, talk to me. If you want to send me a private message, I'm here, I'll listen and I'll give any help I can.
    Regarding the repercussions you might face due to your DUI, I can't speak for your job as I don't know it well enough. Regarding your lodge, that'll depend on a lot on the individuals who make up your lodge. I got a DUI as a Mason and it was decided that one very bad error in judgment didn't suddenly mean that I was no longer of good character. I am forever grateful of that decision by my brothers. I would hope that your lodge feels the same way and takes into account what kind of man you have been for the tens of thousands of other days of your life.
    That being said, do not forget the lesson of the sword pointed toward the naked heart. All of our deeds are recorded and we'll be answering for them all some day. Don't dwell in guilt, but recognize the mistakes you've made and actively work to ensure that they are not repeated. Right now, I'm sure you're feeling a bit overwhelmed and like things are spinning too fast to keep track of, but you can work through it.
     
  10. flipster

    flipster Registered User

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    I have to ask, pal, are things going okay? What steps have you taken?
     
  11. Sammcd

    Sammcd Premium Member

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    I was LEO for 22.5 years myself. Praying for you Brother.
     
  12. flipster

    flipster Registered User

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    An acquaintance in LE recently took his own life leaving sons and daughters, wife and brothers. I just can not understand it in any way. I had not had contact with him in the last few years, and wasn't close to him, but saw him often enough to be saddened by his passing. Please check back in with us on this thread. Your brothers care about you.
     
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