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How to deal with resentment?

VLinvictus

Registered User
Hi, Brothers,

I've got a bit of a problem and, for a variety of reasons, it's difficult for me to talk about it with other members of my lodge. I hope some of you may have some insight.

I was raised earlier this year together with someone I've known casually for several years. For convenience, I'm just going to call him X. In general I've gotten along well with him, but I wouldn't call us close friends. While he is smart and often funny, he also has an abrasive and off-personality and is constantly bragging about how much money he has, the expensive restaurants he eats at, the fancy custom clothes he buys, and his luxurious international vacations.

We were both sponsored by a mutual friend. I had approached our friend out of sincere interest in the Craft. X expressed that his interest was largely for the "coolness" factor and networking. Another thing that bothered me is that he in the past had proudly told anyone who would listen that he's an atheist, and yet now all of a sudden he professes to believe in a Supreme Being in order to qualify for membership. It's possible he has had a sudden spiritual revelation, but I sincerely doubt it. I see no evidence that he sincerely believes in any of the moral or philosophical principles of Masonry - he certainly doesn't demonstrate them in his personal life - but he flaunts Masonic jargon and trivia at every opportunity to show off how knowledgeable he is from all his online research. Now that we are both Master Masons, he is boasting about his plans to progress through the chairs and jokes about how he wants to be Grand Master of our state - solely for the titles and status and perceived perks. He's much more of a "people person" than I am, much better at networking and making social connections and so he will probably get his way. He's already being groomed for Junior Deacon. Not only has he made more friends faster in the lodge, but he also is more advanced than me in learning ritual. The feeling of inferiority is surely part of my problem.

I have shared my concerns with our mutual friend, and his response has been to focus on my own path and let X focus on his with the hope he will improve himself through Masonry. I just don't have that confidence. If I had been a MM at the time of his balloting, I would not have been able to vote for him in good conscience.

I realize that my anger and resentment are all my own issues and have more to do with me than X. The trouble is that I don't have any relief from his company. Our social circles overlap so tightly that I can't go to any event, Masonic or not, without him being there.

I know I need to let go of this and get over it. It seems clear to me that my resentment of X is one of my rough edges to break off. His sincerity or lack thereof is none of my business and my primary concern should be improving myself. I just don't know how to do it.

Thank you for reading this. Any advice is deeply and gratefully appreciated.
 

Joseph Thornton

Registered User
I am afraid I dont have any advice.

A couple of differences, I'm pretty poor. And I have a very strong faith in God.

But I do have a tendency to say abrasive things that rub people the wrong the wrong way without meaning to. So for that on behalf of X, I'd like to apologize.
 

pointwithinacircle2

Rapscallion
Premium Member
I know I need to let go of this and get over it. It seems clear to me that my resentment of X is one of my rough edges to break off. His sincerity or lack thereof is none of my business and my primary concern should be improving myself. I just don't know how to do it.

Thank you for reading this. Any advice is deeply and gratefully appreciated.
Since you asked for help, I wonder if you will let me challenge you a little. you said "I just don't know how to do it". While that is pretty good as a general description, I wonder if there is a description of the problem that would be a little more accurate.

Sometimes I compare learning to be a Mason with learning to walk on a tightrope. I can't walk on a tightrope, so I could say "I just don't know how to do it" and in a general way that would be true. But, what it takes to walk a tightrope is balance and I can balance, I just cant maintain my balance long enough to walk the length of the rope. So a better explanation would be "I know what it takes, I just haven't had enough practice to be really good at it". Trying to keep your balance in difficult situations is a struggle. You said "my resentment of X is one of my rough edges to break off". Well it has been my experience that when you are struggling is when the chips are really flying.
 

Erickson Ybarra

Registered User
Just my opinion: Obviously there was a failure to guard the West Gate and that it something that should be rectified first and foremost. Secondly, I can understand the frustration you are experiencing. It's just not cool when you have a genuine yearning for something while someone else takes it lightly. but from my short time in the craft, I can already see that the title chasers usually lose interest relatively quickly or their true dedication to the lodge is exposed when asked to make the sacrifices necessary to gain more responsibility within the order.

If I were you, I would use this as a practice to keep your passions within due bounds and reflect on that early lesson of patience.
 

acjohnson53

Registered User
I see you brother, put it as a learning cause some people don't realize what that say until after the fact, stay humble young Master, stay focused on your travels, his is a temporary thing he will get bored quick....
 

vangoedenaam

Premium Member
My 2c.

The way you describe your brother X speaks volumes on you as well. I think the advice to focus on your part is sound.

There are parts of your brother X's behaviour you can learn from, the social abilities and the effort in actually learning ritual. There are also parts where you better stick to your own ways and be a bit more proud of what you already have and do.

Masonry brings people together who wouldnt even have greeted eachother on the street, and that presents awesome learning opportunities for all. Try to look for the lessons that help you improve yourself, rather than for the lessons brother X needs to focus on.

No brother is perfect.
 

Brother_Steve

Premium Member
I'm going to assume he has been bragging about his financial status before he was a Mason and has a superiority complex.

I'm also going to assume he joined Masonry because in his mind, it somehow furthered that sense of superiority over others.

Fortunately for you, you only have to listen to the part where he has money because you're on equal footing as a Mason. I can only imagine what he says to his non-mason friends.
 

BullDozer Harrell

Registered User
How many other people have heard you speak 'so well' of Brother X besides the mutual Brother who sponsored you both?
I ask because i really want you to consider not saying another word about Brother X especially to other lodge members.
It was right that you were advised to just focus on your path.
Let Brother X create his own Masonic path.
Believe it or not, he's not the only guy to ever become a Mason strictly for his own selfish reasons (according to you), and he won't be the last guy.
If your account of him is true then he just might hit or miss all of the marks he's set for himself.
Either way, it's in your own interest to practice being a Brother to this man.
Don't feel a need to speak so much about him especially to other lodge members.
It's not a good thing to start.
An unbridled tongue could hurt you as well as Brother X's over-ambitions (in your mind) could hurt him.

You're not the only watchful eyes in the lodge. (Wink Wink!)





Sent from my SM-N910P using My Freemasonry Pro mobile app[/QUOTE]
 

drmrboi927

Registered User
Focus on your own path in Masonry. I was just recently raised in May. One thing I've noticed is that my cabletoe and I are a unit and also individuals. Once we got raised we got to know different people within our lodge, some who may favor him and some who may favor myself. I focus on myself though and how I can contribute to the business and affairs if my Lodge. I advise you to do the same. He'll need you somewhere down the road and you'll need to be there for him.


Sent from my iPhone using My Freemasonry Pro
 

king82

Registered User
If he does get a higher office than u, just be happy for him. Don't worry about him getting bertter . worry about u getting better. And in the end everything we be as it should.
 
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