Am I overreacting here?

[grayflannelsuit]

Brothers, I recently attended a pasta dinner at a lodge I am not a member of (but was considering joining after I am raised at my present lodge, but that is another story). I brought my young son with me but my wife was unable to attend. The WM knew who I was because I had visited once before (not during a communication), but beyond that I only had spoken to a few of the other brothers before.

Overall the experience was pleasant enough, and certainly every brother who helped my son and I with food and drink was quite courteous. I guess what stood out to me, however, was that not one of the brothers (aside from the WM when I showed up) once introduced themselves or made any attempt to find out who I was and gauge if I had any interest in Masonry or the lodge.

The reason this struck me as strange was that I thought that aside from being a fundraiser and community event, one of the other reasons for holding a pasta dinner was to meet and find out about potential new members. I'm not talking about straight up recruitment, mind you, as I know we don't do that. But I didn't even get so much as a "hey, never seen you around here before, my name's Bill." Again, everyone seemed very nice but I didn't see any effort being made to engage beyond the transactions involving the food.

I certainly wasn't expecting a bunch of people to swarm me and give me their life stories, but I don't know, it just was a little disappointing. I should also note that as far as turnout, there were not so many people there that you could say it was super busy and there was no time to do more than the basics.

Maybe part of the reaction I had was me, as I know I can be uncomfortable and even a little antisocial at times, but it just reminded me of every time I attended a church coffee social and everyone stayed at their tables talking to their own familiar groups while I sat staring at my coffee cup. I know I could've gotten up and started talking to people but that is definitely not a strong suit of mine and as a guest I'm not sure the onus should've been on me. But I will be honest and say that if I wasn't already a Mason and I was just some random guy from the public who was interested in Masonry but maybe was shy or awkward, I might not come back.

Anyway, I'm fully prepared to admit that I'm blowing this way out of proportion but I am curious to get some feedback from all of you. Was I expecting too much?

 

[pointwithinacircle2]

In my experience, what you experienced is pretty typical of a Masonic Lodge.

 

[Ripcord22A]

Yeah I don't know @grayflannelsuit . I don't think you were expecting too much for a member of the Lodge that wasn't busy helping serve or take money etc. to come up and intro himself. the WM probably should have introduced you to some of the brothers as well. It really depends on the lodge. I've been to Lodge functions where I knew everyone there, yet it was like the church social you mentioned, and then there's been times when I've shown up at a lodge and knew no one but had several people introduce them selves, and Recently I went to a Lodge Waffle breakfast,happened to be in the area for a Birthday party that my daughter was going to, for a lodge that is in my district but I had never been to. I had on a hoddie that has the S&C on the front levels going down both sleeves and "WE MEET ON THE LEVEL" on the back with Levels on both sides of the lettering....not a single person even noticed. I was sitting next to a teenage couple and there was a cardboard cut out of John Wayne and there was a masonic Apron on it. The girl asked her boyfriend..."whys there an apron on him?" he shrugged his shoulders. I spoke up and told her it was "because John Wayne was a Freemason and the Apron is the Badge of a Freemason." This older gentleman wearing a S&C hat leaned over and asked how I knew that, I said "cause im a Mason" he said "Oh" and went back to eating. So don't get to worked up, Maybe get with your coach and have him take you to that lodge for a communication. Maybe someone will recognize you.

 

[Bro. Stewart P.M.]

While this may be the new "norm" at the Masonic Lodge, this is key to growth and retention.

 

[dfreybur]

It's my experience that it is far easier to stay in established social groups at dinners than at tiled meetings. How well a lodge pays attention to this fact makes a noticeable difference lodge to lodge, though. I affiliated with my current lodge based on how the ladies accepted my wife into their social circle at dinners.

 

[coachn]

Brothers, I recently attended a pasta dinner at a lodge I am not a member of (but was considering joining after I am raised at my present lodge, but that is another story). I brought my young son with me but my wife was unable to attend. The WM knew who I was because I had visited once before (not during a communication), but beyond that I only had spoken to a few of the other brothers before.

Overall the experience was pleasant enough, and certainly every brother who helped my son and I with food and drink was quite courteous. I guess what stood out to me, however, was that not one of the brothers (aside from the WM when I showed up) once introduced themselves or made any attempt to find out who I was and gauge if I had any interest in Masonry or the lodge.

The reason this struck me as strange was that I thought that aside from being a fundraiser and community event, one of the other reasons for holding a pasta dinner was to meet and find out about potential new members. I'm not talking about straight up recruitment, mind you, as I know we don't do that. But I didn't even get so much as a "hey, never seen you around here before, my name's Bill." Again, everyone seemed very nice but I didn't see any effort being made to engage beyond the transactions involving the food.

I certainly wasn't expecting a bunch of people to swarm me and give me their life stories, but I don't know, it just was a little disappointing. I should also note that as far as turnout, there were not so many people there that you could say it was super busy and there was no time to do more than the basics.

Maybe part of the reaction I had was me, as I know I can be uncomfortable and even a little antisocial at times, but it just reminded me of every time I attended a church coffee social and everyone stayed at their tables talking to their own familiar groups while I sat staring at my coffee cup. I know I could've gotten up and started talking to people but that is definitely not a strong suit of mine and as a guest I'm not sure the onus should've been on me. But I will be honest and say that if I wasn't already a Mason and I was just some random guy from the public who was interested in Masonry but maybe was shy or awkward, I might not come back.

Anyway, I'm fully prepared to admit that I'm blowing this way out of proportion but I am curious to get some feedback from all of you. Was I expecting too much?

If you show up at any event were casual mingling is expected, masonic or otherwise, and you know that no one knows you, you must come prepared to introduce yourself to everyone you can and have a pocket full of opened and closed questions as conversation starters. When you don't, you'll get a lot of disappointment in these encounters. If you want to be engaged, you must be engaging.

 

[Bill Lins]

In GLoTX Lodges, it is the JOB of the Deacons to greet all visitors, whether in a tiled Lodge or a gathering open to all. The rest of the Brethren are expected to approach all visitors and introduce themselves as well. Just common courtesy, IMHO.

 

[Glen Cook]

it must have been awkward and tedious for you. No, I wouldn't be upset, but would be (am?) disappointed.

As for recruiting, who says we don't?

 

[MarkR]

As I'm getting older, I'm finding myself getting worse and worse at remembering people. I live in constant fear that I'll introduce myself to someone and they'll say, "we've met several times before at Masonic events."

 

[Bloke]

Big lesson for us all here. It it was our lodge we would not know about his visitor's experience, he visited, we failed and he formed an opinion and might not come back... big lesson - never leave brother alone at a social function - its so simple.

There is some hope, they did feed you. Hard to tell if its you or them, but learn the lesson above when it is your turn to be a host rather than a visitor.

 

[Brother_Steve]

It's my experience that it is far easier to stay in established social groups at dinners than at tiled meetings. How well a lodge pays attention to this fact makes a noticeable difference lodge to lodge, though. I affiliated with my current lodge based on how the ladies accepted my wife into their social circle at dinners.

I am actually thinking of arranging the collation room into a U shape. It should generate a centralized conversation instead of micro-groups that sit everywhere. It also forces visitors and members to co-mingle as the only choice is to sit together rather than off in the corner.

 

[Glen Cook]

As I'm getting older, I'm finding myself getting worse and worse at remembering people. I live in constant fear that I'll introduce myself to someone and they'll say, "we've met several times before at Masonic events."

I did that this summer at an event. She just looked at me funny and later I realised I knew her. I was told twice this weekend I'd already introduced my wife to someone.

My son says there is a particular area of the brain that is effected in facial recognition.

 

[Ripcord22A]

I was told twice this weekend I'd already introduced my wife to someone.

even if I know that ive introduced my wife to someone I do it again, ive been scolded by her and others enough for not introducing her that I do it everytime. If im 210000%, as opposed to 209999%, positive ill say "you remember my wife right?" cant go wrong with that.

 

[Bill Lins]

Not exactly on topic, but...

 

[Glen Cook]

even if I know that ive introduced my wife to someone I do it again, ive been scolded by her and others enough for not introducing her that I do it everytime. If im 210000%, as opposed to 209999%, positive ill say "you remember my wife right?" cant go wrong with that.

Wiiiiise beyond your years

 

[MarkR]

Fortunately, I don't have to deal with that. My wife is perfectly supportive of my Masonic activities, but has zero interest in taking part. She doesn't come to anything.

 

[Ripcord22A]

Fortunately, I don't have to deal with that. My wife is perfectly supportive of my Masonic activities, but has zero interest in taking part. She doesn't come to anything.

I was just refering to lodge....i do that everywhere we go.

 

[Ripcord22A]

Fortunately, I don't have to deal with that. My wife is perfectly supportive of my Masonic activities, but has zero interest in taking part. She doesn't come to anything.

I was just refering to lodge....i do that everywhere we go.

 

[grayflannelsuit]

Thanks to everyone for their feedback on the matter. I should add, in the interest of fairness, that when I showed up a month or so ago to one of this lodge's open fellowship hours, the reception was definitely much warmer and inclusive. So I'll just chalk the dinner up to an off night, socially.

 

[JMartinez]

Brothers, I recently attended a pasta dinner at a lodge I am not a member of (but was considering joining after I am raised at my present lodge, but that is another story). I brought my young son with me but my wife was unable to attend. The WM knew who I was because I had visited once before (not during a communication), but beyond that I only had spoken to a few of the other brothers before.

Overall the experience was pleasant enough, and certainly every brother who helped my son and I with food and drink was quite courteous. I guess what stood out to me, however, was that not one of the brothers (aside from the WM when I showed up) once introduced themselves or made any attempt to find out who I was and gauge if I had any interest in Masonry or the lodge.

The reason this struck me as strange was that I thought that aside from being a fundraiser and community event, one of the other reasons for holding a pasta dinner was to meet and find out about potential new members. I'm not talking about straight up recruitment, mind you, as I know we don't do that. But I didn't even get so much as a "hey, never seen you around here before, my name's Bill." Again, everyone seemed very nice but I didn't see any effort being made to engage beyond the transactions involving the food.

I certainly wasn't expecting a bunch of people to swarm me and give me their life stories, but I don't know, it just was a little disappointing. I should also note that as far as turnout, there were not so many people there that you could say it was super busy and there was no time to do more than the basics.

Maybe part of the reaction I had was me, as I know I can be uncomfortable and even a little antisocial at times, but it just reminded me of every time I attended a church coffee social and everyone stayed at their tables talking to their own familiar groups while I sat staring at my coffee cup. I know I could've gotten up and started talking to people but that is definitely not a strong suit of mine and as a guest I'm not sure the onus should've been on me. But I will be honest and say that if I wasn't already a Mason and I was just some random guy from the public who was interested in Masonry but maybe was shy or awkward, I might not come back.

Anyway, I'm fully prepared to admit that I'm blowing this way out of proportion but I am curious to get some feedback from all of you. Was I expecting too much?

I think being socially unapproachable is something I was born with lol


Sent from my iPhone using My Freemasonry

 

[Warrior1256]

If you show up at any event were casual mingling is expected, masonic or otherwise, and you know that no one knows you, you must come prepared to introduce yourself to everyone you can and have a pocket full of opened and closed questions as conversation starters

This is they way that I do it. Just stick out your paw and say "Hi, I'm so and so". Instant conversation starter.