Does Masonry cause Marital conflicts???

Discussion in 'General Freemasonry Discussion' started by youngblood2002, Sep 14, 2012.

  1. youngblood2002

    youngblood2002 Registered User

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    I have recently reached being made an EA. I am committed to becoming a MM. I have been married for 13 years.I have 4 children and 1 grandaughter. My concern is the time required to participate in Masonic-related activities going to cause a strain within the context of my marriage? The last thing I want is my wife being resentful toward Masonry.:confused1:
     
  2. daddyrich

    daddyrich Registered User

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    In California, our candidate's initial interviews are recommended w/ spouses involved. Was this not the case with your Lodge?
     
  3. SeeKer.mm

    SeeKer.mm Premium Member

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    In CT we prefer the spouse to be present that the investigation, however, it is not required. Youngblood to answer your question, the amount of time it takes to be involved in Masonic activities is entirely up to you. Once you become a Master Mason you are entitled to all the rights light and benefits of the lodge, but are never required to put Masonry in front of your family. There will also be many activities that your wife and family will be able to participate in. No one in your lodge should push you to put the lodge in front of family. Quid pro quo, I am sure your wife will also support your decision and be understanding that there will be some time that you are at lodge...something you should have probably already discussed prior to even taking the EA, but of course there is no time like the present. If you were to decide to become an officer in your lodge down the road, do remember that more of your time would be taken. The short answer, how much you are able to dedicate and are willing to dedicate is entirely up to you.
     
  4. towerbuilder7

    towerbuilder7 Moderator Premium Member

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    It shouldn't even be an issue, Brother. Your family is your PRIMARY obligation, and while Masonry includes obligations at certain points of your journey, there should be NOTHING that you put before your Wife and Children. Masonry should reinforce the positive priorities that you currently have in your life, not rearrange them. You never want your Wife or children to resent Masonry, because you spend all of your free time at the Lodge or at Lodge activities. My goal is to make one stated meeting per month. While you are going through your Degree work, you may have to spend a little more time away from home, but always make sure things at home are taken care of. Bro. Jones
     
  5. T.N. Sampson

    T.N. Sampson Guest

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    Some jurisdictions, I am told, require the candidate to remove his wedding band prior to the EA ceremony. In such jurisdictions, I'd assume a wife's reaction to that would provide the best clue to her views and/or objections. Cordially, Skip
     
  6. youngblood2002

    youngblood2002 Registered User

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    Thank you for your insight and wisdom. My wife does support me in my journey. In any activities I have been involved in the past I have always made an extra effort to let my wife know she is still a priority.I wanted more input from brothers that had more experience than myself. As I am invited to different events,working on degree activities I want to make the right decisions along the way....
     
  7. chrmc

    chrmc Registered User

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    In my opinion it shouldn't, unless she is against the idea of freemasonry, in which case that was probably a discussion that should be had before you even joined.
    Masonry, like many other interests, can take up a lot of time if you let it, but so can football, the softball club, your poker buddies etc. Hopefully masonry should help you grow as a man, which will benefit the family life.

    With regards to taking off the wedding ring for degrees, that is for purely esoteric reasons, and should not be a cause for concern. In no way to you swear any kind of allegiance that makes masonry more important than your wife. Quite the opposite I would say.
     
  8. martin

    martin Registered User

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    Here in Canada they actually ask the wife if she's not happy or she dosnt agree u can't be a mason , I think that is up to you too if u try to put masonry b4 your family I don't think that's right family first , masonry can take a lot of time in your life but again is up to the person how to manage the time and try not to interfere whit family matters
     
  9. martin

    martin Registered User

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    We have a guy in the lodge he actually wasn't married yet when he apply , he's wife to be wasn't really happy that he was going to be a mason because her dad was a night of Columbus but in the case we ask him so what you want to do , that s not a strong reason of her for you not to b a mason in this case that's ur call , you r not married yet so really she's got nothing on u yet , so he join the order and they still got married
     
  10. Michael Hatley

    Michael Hatley Premium Member

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    Methinks the success and strength of a marriage has very little to do with 2-3 meetings a month. If it can't survive that, then there are or were relationship issues that has little to do with masonry goin on. In that context, it doesn't matter if its a regularly organized poker game, a bowling league, a church prayer group or whatever - everything will likely exacerbate the problems.

    Now if once a MM you join every appendant body available to you and every day of the week go out to do something masonic then of course you will run into trouble. The well is deep in masonry, and you can spread yourself thin if you try to do all of it. It is why the majority of those types are retirees, they have more time. All of that stuff is optional. Just be willing to say no to some of it.

    Masonry is not very time consuming really if you don't try to be Super Mason, and few younger dudes try and do that - especially the married types. Your family comes first, period.
     
  11. SeeKer.mm

    SeeKer.mm Premium Member

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    I think you are twisting the point. You aren't asked to take off your wedding band to symbolize a loss of connection with your spouse...but you take off your school ring, your necklace, earrings, glasses... I won't go into the lessons or into any other details as not to cross the line of breaking secrecy, but really...some people take their wedding rings off to go to sleep so I think your comment is reaching a little bit. Please take no offense either, just giving my opinion on the comment..thanks.
     
  12. Ashlar

    Ashlar Registered User

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    I think if a wife has a problem with her husband attending lodge two or three times a month , there are bigger issues at play . I find it unhealthy for my wife and I to be up each others butts 24/7 . We need our outside interests that does NOT include one another to keep our marriage healthy . and I am at one lodge or another several times a month . If she want me to to come home early , I will leave lodge early or I will not go at all . BUT , I do not put lodge before her needs in that if she has plans for us , I will skip a Masonic function like tonight , I was asked to help out with a sister lodge's degree work but she has plans so i told the lodge no . The one thing I will say is , the wife and I love one another , but we do not dictate when and where each other goes . We may be married , but we do not own one another . We need our "me time" away from one another .

    As for the ring . I have never understood men and/or their wives getting upset over it's removal for a couple of hours , in a room full of men . I was not allowed to wear mine on the job due to the danger of losing a finger . My wedding band does not prove my love and dedication to my wife , no , that would be our 18 year marriage of love and devotion .
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2012
  13. jvarnell

    jvarnell Premium Member

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    My doesn"t really care that i am a ea and in the process she does'nt understand what i can't go to stated meeting untill i am a mm. I try to explan it and it dose'nt work. I keep telling her that she will that this is good. My wife dosen't care if i am a mason she just wants me make her do the othe orgs that she could belong too.
     
  14. Bill Lins

    Bill Lins Moderating Staff Staff Member

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    The question was "Does Masonry cause Marital conflicts?" The answer is "It can IF You Let It". The Fraternity is not in the business of breaking up relationships or marriages. The petitioner or Brother is responsible for ensuring that his participation in Masonry does not interfere with his duties to his family- those duties MUST come first.
     
  15. T.N. Sampson

    T.N. Sampson Guest

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    I'm familiar with the Rite of Destitution and it's intent. My point was more that the wife would know of, and approve, the requirement beforehand. I'd assume that would be the case.

    None taken, as I hope is the case with my remarks. Cordially, Skip.
     
  16. dhouseholder

    dhouseholder Registered User

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    From being married for barely 6 years, I can with full faith say that if one's wife would get mad at something as simple as momentarily taking off a wedding ring, then there would be a whole list of other things that are wrong in that marriage in the first place.

    As other brothers have said, family first. Masonry second.

    My wife jokes about sometimes she is a Masonic widow, and I know that she would rather have me all to herself, but she also knows that going to lodge and learning about Masonry makes me happy and that ultimately it makes me a better person, so she is OK with it.

    ALTHOUGH, she has threatened to leave me if I get any more Masonry in my life (appendant bodies, etc...) :laugh:
     
  17. Blake Bowden

    Blake Bowden Administrator Staff Member

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    I would say no if you remain within the length of your cable tow. FAMILY first period. As you grow as a Mason, your Wife will respect you even more as a Man.
     
  18. RedTemplar

    RedTemplar Johnny Joe Combs Premium Member

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    I was a Past Master before I ever met my wife. When we were dating and through the first few years of marriage she would occasionally throw a pity party when I wanted to attend lodge. In the past few years, however, my wife seems to look forward to lodge night more than I do. Maybe I need to have a pity party, myself.
     
  19. Ashlar

    Ashlar Registered User

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    This is true , some Masons get out of control and try to be at every function in their area . The brethren I have in mind when I read these types of threads are the men married to women who want to control when/where their husbands can go and what they can do . I know a few young Masons who want to be (more) active but can not because their wives will not allow them ONE night a month at lodge . This does not make for a healthy marriage . There are DUTIES to your family and then there is trust and control issues . These are two different animals and something I would not stand for myself .
     
  20. Bro_Vick

    Bro_Vick Moderator Premium Member

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    Not really, if my wife doesn't want me to go to a function I simply don't go, no drama. If the function is important enough than I give her plenty of notice and she has never bulked at my attendance.

    During the summer when we don't have anything and a lot of bodies don't meet, she asks "Don't you have Masons soon?" ;)

    S&F,
    -Bro Vick
     

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