* Your last name stays put. * The garage is all yours. * Wedding plans just take care of themselves. * Chocolate is just another snack. * You can be president. * You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. * Car mechanics tell you the truth. * The world is your urinal. * You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. * Same work, more pay. * Wrinkles add character. * Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100. * People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. * The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. * New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. * One mood all the time. * Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. * You know stuff about tanks. * A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. * You can open all your own jars. * You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. * If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. * Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. * Everything on your face stays its original color. * Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. * You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut or a bolt. * You almost never have strap problems in public. * You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. * The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. * You don't have to shave below your neck. * Your belly usually hides your big hips. * One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. * You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. * You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. * You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.
