Have Any Of You Been In This Situation Before?

[KFerguson84]

I ran into a situation regarding my Masonic membership and I just wanted to see if any of you have experienced similar situations and how you handled it. Here's the story:

I received text messages from a few of my friends last night telling me they are disappointed in me that I ditched my "real friends" for "my other friends that I have to pay for." The guys that sent me these texts have never evolved out of the party stage of the early 20s. I am 26 years old and married and am an avid Mason. I did my share of partying in my day but have outgrown it and have found something that I love in Freemasonry. I truly cherish my Masonic membership.

These guys are mad that I spend my time doing Masonic activities instead of drinking and partying with them and feel that I should stop spending my time doing Masonic things so I can do what they consider fun.

Now here's the dilemma, I do value their friendships. One of them was even a groomsman in my wedding in May. But it is impossible to explain to them that I don't have the desire to party that like anymore. They don't comprehend how anyone could not want to get wasted all the time.

So, how do I keep my friendships with these guys without changing my lifestyle? I will never give up my Masonic membership. But I would like to make them understand that this is who I am now and they should respect me for it without offending them or implying that they should get their act together and be like me, which is not at all what I'm attempting to say.

I'd love to hear what you guys think about this.

Kyle Ferguson, FGCR

 

[OKGRSEC]

friends

Kyle,
It doesn't have to be an "either- or" situation. It is better for you to have your lodge friends AND non-lodge friends.
Throwing yourself too much into lodge activities can be as unhealthy for you as not being a member at all. By maintaining your non- lodge friendships, you get to hear what others think of your activities and you learn better to explain why you are a Mason.
And... Over time, they may come around and ask for a petition!
R W Steve Singleton OK AF&AM

 

[KFerguson84]

Thanks for the advice, Bro. Singleton. The funny part is, I don't overdo my Masonic membership. I have more than ample time to do other things. I just chose to spend that free time in ways that don't involve getting smashed. So my friends, who are confused as to why I don't want to go drinking anymore, blame it on my Masonic membership instead of simply saying that I matured.

Kyle Ferguson, FGCR

 

[Huw]

Hi Bro. Kyle.

A lot of guys face a similar social adjustment after getting married, it usually does change a man's priorities and interests, even if he hadn't expected that it would. I think a lot of us will recall some experiences similar to your situation. The fact that they're giving you grief about your absence shows that your non-masonic friends continue to care about you and miss your company, so that's a good start. They're attributing the change to masonry, but that's merely because it's something they know you're now doing which is foreign to their own experience - they'd blame it on something else instead if you weren't a Mason.

I'll offer a suggestion: every so often, maybe once every month or two, go out drinking with these non-masonic friends, even though it's no longer your idea of such a great time. In conversation with them, make a point of talking about the things which interest you now - including masonry, but also whatever else it is you're now spending your time on. Meet them on their own ground like this four or five times, and they'll probably get the picture: you haven't turned your back, but have grown away from them. Then you can relax about it, they'll realise to quite harassing you about it, but will probably still be there if you might occasionally feel like a blow-out.

Over time, some of them may realise that there's more to life than getting smashed, and you might find at that point that they turn to you as a model, a leader who got to that point sooner. They'll want to talk things over with you, and it's a decent bet that someone will even ask about petitioning your Lodge.

(Your Mileage May Vary, Performance Is Not Guaranteed, Prices May Go Down As Well As Up, etc., etc.)

Good luck. If the worst comes to the worst, remember that life goes on even if your friends don't come with you.

T & F,

Huw

 

[Bro.BruceBenjamin]

I have been in this situation before. However it wasn't masonry that they were saying changed me it was the church. Before I knew God I had a ton of friends that I use to hangout with. After I gave my life to God they were all gone. Their biggest complaint was I had become square. This to me is strange because what the say I had become I use to square my life and after I had squared my life I realized they weren't in it. In parting I leave you with this quote, "When I was a child I played with child things. When I became a man I put away all childest things."

 

[Brent Heilman]

I have had a similar experience. I had several friends that I used to do the same partying, drinking thing with all the time. I got married and had a little boy. Suddenly my life was changed and that lifestyle was no longer a part of it. I still wanted to hang out with the same guys at times but didn't want all the problems that came along with it. I kept going out with them but I became the designated designated driver. I still got to hang with my friends but I didn't have to get hammered like they did all the time. Slowly over time they continued on their path and mine continued away from theirs and to this day we are still friends but we hardly ever hang out anymore. My focus is on my family, God, and Masonry. Theirs is still on beer and liquor. We all have friends it seems that refuse to "grow up" and that's their choice. I will never try to push my choices on them and if they are truly my friends they will do the same for me. I hate to see them be that way but that's the way it is. They are 40 years old and still want to act like they are 21. Maybe someday they will grow up and aspire to be more than a burger flipper ant Mickey D's but I doubt it. My only advice to you Brother is follow your heart. You have your life in line and make sure your priorities stay yours. If they choose to live life like that that is their choice and if they are your friends they should not fault you for living your life like you want. After all it is the only one we have and we have to make the best of it.

 

[jwhoff]

Things and patterns change over time. If there are any strong friendships, they will stand the test of time.

Follow your heart.

 

[Casey]

I have a similar situation. I just spend as much time with my friends doing things that I want to do with them. I honor my commitments to the lodge to the best of my ability. And ALWAYS put my family responsibilities first. There is no right answer, no matter how you handle it someone will feel slighted. Make sure you are happy and doing what you want to do.

 

[Kenneth Lottman]

Bro. Kyle
There is some real good advice from all of the brothers here. A few things I noticed were that you said you were a "avid mason" and the other thing I noticed was your "signature" shows that you are newly made mason.

Here are my two cents.... Remember the obligation you took. Don't let masonry interfere with your normal everyday life!

Now what I mean about this is don't forget about masonry; masonry will always be there for you and the brothers in your lodge will understand this they have all been there! Be there with your wife, family and non Masonic friends. Go out with them have fun but do it more responsibly. Show them you still care about them. Sooner or later they will all see that you have changed and that you are a better man, husband, and father and who know they might even ask what your secret is to your success in being such a good friend and ask how they too can become a mason.

I my self am a new Mason as well and made it a point to make sure that I went to all the practice nights all the stated meeting all Masonic events I could find and what happened was I became estranged from my friends and family! I realized this was happening and cut back my masonic activity and my masonic brothers understood fully and supported me 150%!

You will find that even in your everyday walk if you keep masonry in your heart it will show on the outside as well and you won't need to be in the lodge all the time because the lodge is within you.

S&F,

 

[Mac]

I'm a member of a college fraternity and an active Mason. The difference between the organizations? Many people do join frats to party, be social, etc, so it is like paying for friends.

With Masonry, I pay my dues to help keep the lights on and the doors open, and I would pay more. Some Lodges meet in grand buildings that deserve our attention and care. We are members of the world's oldest and greatest fraternity, and that's nothing to scoff at. That you can travel to another city, state, or country and find brothers who will greet you warmly is perhaps one of the greatest examples of brotherhood we have that most frats do not.

Most fraternity initiations are relatively lame when you look at them. Shock and awe paired with an oath of dedication to that frat. We learn in our initiations, and we continue to learn for the rest of our lives.

I would stress to them that Masonry is a philosophy and a brotherhood, not a drinking club with greek letters attached.

Edit: when I hear my frat brothers mention brotherhood, I kinda scoff inside. They have no idea.

 

[Benton]

Bro. Mac,

I do think it's important to distinguish between social fraternities and service. There are a number of service fraternities that function like Kiwanis, Lions, etc, but unfortunately get a hard rap because of the Greek letter attachment.