I am having trouble joining a lodge ( my wife)

Discussion in 'Frequently Asked Questions' started by rider.of.rohan, Jan 27, 2017.

  1. rider.of.rohan

    rider.of.rohan Registered User

    Hey guys I have a problem. I want to join a lodge and become a mason but the wife is saying she doesn't want me to. She says that work takes me away from home enough from her and my daughter. And if I join the masons that I will be gone even more. What should I do? What should I say? Any advice is accepted. Thanks guys.

    Sent from my VS990 using My Freemasonry mobile app
  2. Elexir

    Elexir Registered User

    How old is your daughter?
  3. rider.of.rohan

    rider.of.rohan Registered User

  4. SimonM

    SimonM Registered User

    If your work takes a lot of your time you should focus on your family for now. In 3 or 5 years it will be easier and you should have more time for yourself. Masonry will still be there, and it is better if you knock on the door when you can do it without feeling guilty for neglecting your family.
    GGG, robertduran, Vic Maurer and 5 others like this.
  5. David Duke

    David Duke Premium Member

    This is a question only you can answer. One of the principle teachings of Masonry is that it should not interfere with your duties to your God, yourself or country. I would be very careful about joining if your wife is so opposed.

    That said if the time issue is her only concern it may be that she can join you in a few visits to a Lodge she may then get a better understanding of what is involved.

    David Duke
    Sam B Crawford #1418
    New Caney, TX
  6. Brother JC

    Brother JC Vigilant Staff Member

    Giving marital advice is way above my paygrade.
  7. JamestheJust

    JamestheJust Registered User

    Pay attention to what your wife says. Freemasonry lasts longer than marriages.
  8. BullDozer Harrell

    BullDozer Harrell Registered User

    It's a joint decision to which your wife has already voiced her position. Honor your wife in all your choices.

    Android OS Nougat 7.0
  9. BullDozer Harrell

    BullDozer Harrell Registered User

    If my wife wasn't as agreeable to me spending time away at lodge and made it known to me, then i'd resign membership without any reservation. But luckily she agrees. There's no other way around it.

    Android OS Nougat 7.0
  10. goomba

    goomba Neo-Antient Site Benefactor

    Whenever I'm on an investigation committee if the spouse is against the person joining this is a huge red flag to me. Family first. Now if you have friends who are already masons their spouses might be able to talk to yours.
  11. Warrior1256

    Warrior1256 Site Benefactor

    Agree with all of the above. Family comes first. Maybe at a later time your wife will be more agreeable.
    rider.of.rohan and Bill Lins like this.
  12. Benjamin Baxter

    Benjamin Baxter Moderator Staff Member

    If your wife doesn't support you, it will make it difficult on your home life. I would work on convincing her to like it before you proceed much further. It is ultimately your choice. I didn't have kids when I joined masonry, My second wife supports me in everything I do. My first one did not, good thing we didn't have kids... lol. You can see ho that worked out. That being said, I have a new 10 week old and the minute she tells me that I should stay home to be with family, I look closely at what I can do to support my family and still enjoy the fraternity.

    Family comes first.

    One thing you could do is to look for any open events that you can go to with your wife and silently influence her to see all the good that is done through the fraternity.

    Sent from my iPhone using My Freemasonry
  13. CLewey44

    CLewey44 Registered User

    As everyone has said, irritating her will only make your life difficult and the last thing Masonry should ever be is a burden. If momma isn't on board, you'll probably get your degrees and never come back or worse yet, just go to the initiation and never come back. I'm sure you've explained how important this is for you but if she's sitting there at home waiting on you and annoyed, it won't be a positive experience. If you explained too that maybe you'd only go every two or three months after the initial three degrees vs. every two weeks, she may be at ease then. Also, maybe if someone she trusts that's a Mason, such as your father or her father, talks to her about it, they could explain how good it'll be for you.
    rider.of.rohan, Bloke and Bill Lins like this.
  14. dfreybur

    dfreybur Premium Member

    That's that. The end. Get back to us when she changes her mind. We do NOT get between husband and wife.

    If your wife objects you will be and should be rejected. Don't petition at this point. Work out domestic tranquility first then petition.
    rider.of.rohan likes this.
  15. Bloke

    Bloke Premium Member

    All that's been said is good...

    My partner would be gutted if I gave up the Craft, keeps me out of her hair and she loves quite a few of my brothers, she's been calling one "her future son in law" for years :)

    My further advice? Find a lodge with a baby sitting circle.... she'll be all for it !!! :p
    rider.of.rohan and CLewey44 like this.
  16. CLewey44

    CLewey44 Registered User

    Funny you mentioned that, my wife and I went to a few OES meetings and they had a couple of Rainbow Girls babysitting in the front of the building.
    rider.of.rohan and Bloke like this.
  17. coachn

    coachn Coach John S. Nagy Premium Member

    Were are you thinking of joining?
    rider.of.rohan likes this.
  18. Keith C

    Keith C Registered User


    I agree. One of the criteria given to our committees is to assure, to the best of their ability, that the candidates family is supportive of their decision to join. We meet at the candidates home with their family in the meeting. We wont meet with the candidate alone and trust their assessment of their spouse's approval.

    Discuss this with your wife and do not petition until she is on-board. Your lodge does not want to become a point of contention in you family life. Your family harmony comes before Freemasonry.
  19. flameburns623

    flameburns623 Registered User

    Go to pancake breakfasts and dinners with her and the kiddo. Attend other open events.

    If your work really does monopolize a lot of your time, she has raised a fair issue.

    If she is so insecure that SHE is the one monopolizing YOUR free time, you have bigger issues than Lodge membership.
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2017
  20. rider.of.rohan

    rider.of.rohan Registered User

    I wad thinking of joining bullard texas lodge.

    And thank you everyone for the wise comments. I have talked to my wife and will have to wait to join the lodge. I work too much right now and that's that. Thanks again for everything

Share My Freemasonry