Need advice

Discussion in 'Sickness and Distress' started by nixxon2000, Jul 25, 2015.

  1. nixxon2000

    nixxon2000 Premium Member

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    My dad is in the ICU and things are uncertain at this time. I am having a Hard time dealing with it. When I'm around my mom I'm strong for her but alone I am scared.

    I'm not sure how to deal with this. He is still alive but I have the fear of getting a phone call that things have gotten worse and we lost him.

    Any advice on how I can deal with this would be greatly appreciated. I've never faced death before and am afraid.

    TIA
     
  2. Bill Lins

    Bill Lins Moderating Staff Staff Member

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    Place your trust in the GAOTU and pray that His will be done, my Brother.
     
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  3. Ripcord22A

    Ripcord22A Site Benefactor

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    I'm so sorry for what your going through! Maybe talk to another family member....Prayers to you brother
     
  4. Archangel Raised

    Archangel Raised Registered User

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    Turn to your brothers. Have your WM call the brothers to temple and ask for their support. This is what brotherly love is for.

    Be well brother and travel light!
     
  5. dfreybur

    dfreybur Premium Member

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    We all go through the experience of dealing with the death of someone. We all go through the experience of dealing with our own death. I'm not sure there is a "how" when dealing with a death in the family. Feel your feelings rather than trying to suppress them. Process them rather than trying to forget them. Flowing sympathy and prayers to you ...
     
  6. nixxon2000

    nixxon2000 Premium Member

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    Thank you all I really appreciate it. It's just so hard to deal with. No matter how much faith I have in the GAOTU it's still a horrible feeling to loose my dad.

    I tried to contact my lodge but they are dark this month. No one I know has had to deal with this, so I have to do this on my own.

    Thanks for all the well wishes talking/ writing seems to help.
     
  7. Ripcord22A

    Ripcord22A Site Benefactor

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    My dad is only 57 but has some mild health problems(high bp n cholesterol) sometimes i get that pit in my stomach feeling like somethi g bad is looming and i always worry that hes had an accident or something. when i hear of someone i know loosing a parent/sibiling/spouse/child it makes me think "man what would i do, how would i handle it?" ive lost close friends and that hurts, but loosing an immediate family member i have not. I did loose my uncle last year and that was terrible. He was able to come back home for a visit a few weeks before he died and thatvwas the only time in my life ive said goodbye to someone and knew it was goodbye. This uncle was my dads sisters husband so not blood but he might as well have been. Him and my dad taught me how to fish and hunt and by proxy how to be a man. He was my pastor and baptized me and my wife and my son. I will always remember him. And i guess i say allthat to say this.....keep him alive in ur heart by keeping his memories close! As brother dfreybur said we all must deal with death at some point in life. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours in this time of sorrow$
     
  8. davidterrell80

    davidterrell80 Past Master Premium Member

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    It's OK to have trepidation. But, you will see him again. Our partings are so brief, when measured against eternity. My Father and Mother died very suddenly about 18 months apart, about 15 years ago. I am a military man and for me and my fellows, our grief is often very sharp and brief, because there are yet duties to perform. Nevertheless, the loss of my parents is bittersweet still.

    But, you start by breathing a prayer for grace until the next breath. Eventually, breaths turn to minutes... to hours... to days...

    I suggest an exercise... once each day, upon waking or retiring, lift up a prayer that is nothing but an expression of gratitude. Remember your father to God with thanks... remember to be thankful for the blessings of life... of sunshine... of laughter... of friends and brothers... express love and ask for nothing from Him. It's not as easy as you would think, for our minds slip easily into asking for more blessings.
     
  9. nixxon2000

    nixxon2000 Premium Member

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    It's all great advice and the words of wisdom really do help. It's just hard thinking that I can't pick up the phone and call him again. We have faith that things will turn out ok but you can't help but plan for the worst.

    I know I'll see him again but my heart still hurts and I am just full of fear I've never known before. I feel like I'm losing my best friend since we talked about everything. It really does put life into perspective and points out how short it is.

    No one around me has lost a parent so I don't have anyone to really talk to about this. I'm trying to be strong for my mom and not show my fear to my wife and son but at night it's overwhelming.

    I'm just trying my best to get through it and reading the stories and advice here makes me feel better so again I thank you all. I really appreciate the advice and hope it keeps coming.
     
  10. dfreybur

    dfreybur Premium Member

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    We can all still talk to our dead loved ones. This may sound flippant on the surface but plenty draw solace from speaking to their dead loved ones. What we can't do most of the time is get answers. In time that bit becomes less and less problematic. Some of us grew up in traditions with saints and other sorts of patrons. It works sort of like that but with a closer more personal connection.
     
  11. JamestheJust

    JamestheJust Registered User

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    I sometimes wonder how much of the grief we feel is based on our own sense of loss rather than the post-mortem state of the departed.

    While my sample of observations is small and biased towards my own kind, most of the people I have observed post-mortem have been doing reasonably well. The main skill they lack is to express light from the heart. Once shown this they start to move up the mysterious ladder.
     
  12. dfreybur

    dfreybur Premium Member

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    Not all that many people notice ghosts, and among those who do there are different levels of sensitivity.

    I don't think that grief is relieved by the experience of ghosts the way it is described in Harry Potter stories. Although numerous sensitives report someone dropping in to say goodbye on the way to the light and it seems to help those sensitives a lot. I've never heard of someone not already knowing they are a sensitive noticing a ghost, though. So that's pretty much not an option for the majority of the population.
     
  13. GKA

    GKA Premium Member

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    Take comfort in the fact that you and your father had a wonderful relationship, some of us were not as fortunate.
    God calls his own home.
     
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  14. rpbrown

    rpbrown Premium Member

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    I lost my Mom 5 years ago, and just this weekend had to put my Dad in a nursing home because his Alzheimer's has progressed to a point we can no longer care for him ourselves. It was a tough decision to do so but my siblings and I feel it is best for him.
    To answer your question though, I will tell you as my pastor told me---Would you like to keep your Father around in the shape he is in now and see him suffer every day? Or let him go, be in peace and pain/illness free and see him in the after life?
    My choice was to let Mom go. Yes, it was tough and I still miss her every day and its been 5 years now. It's hard to think about life without your loved ones but think about the joy they will have when you meet again. That is what I look forward too.
     
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  15. nixxon2000

    nixxon2000 Premium Member

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    I agree we need to do what's best for him. However if he can recover and get a few more good years, that would be great. In the end it's what God wants. It's just hard to deal with even knowing I will seem him again.

    I really appreciate everyone sharing and giving advice. As an only child I don't have anyone else to help me through this.
     
  16. fmasonlog

    fmasonlog Registered User

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    I'm sorry you're going through these tough time as we all have to face death and lose our loved ones-one day. You've to keep in mind, that day will come, however, it is not the end. Life continues without our physical bodies. Death is just a crossing over. My parents are old and have health problems; this is the thinking I have when I have those thoughts. God bless you and your parents. You'll be alright.
     
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  17. nixxon2000

    nixxon2000 Premium Member

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    So at noon central time my dad passed away. Thank you for your support and advice. It was appreciated.
     
  18. Ripcord22A

    Ripcord22A Site Benefactor

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    I am soo sorry brother. Hes now with his GAOTU. Im not gonna try to say anything cliche about how it gets easier or hes not hurting any more.....what i will say is thatyou and yours will be in my and mines prayers tonight brother!
     
  19. nixxon2000

    nixxon2000 Premium Member

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    Thank you. It's not easy at all but at least he's home. I will see him again. I just wish the hurt would go away.
     
  20. dfreybur

    dfreybur Premium Member

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    The hurt is love in today's form. Love does not go away. Love transforms from form to form across time. Feel it and let it wash over you. Give it time to continue its transformation.
     
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