Spouse/Family Visitation/Interview

Discussion in 'Frequently Asked Questions' started by M1dailey, Mar 20, 2016.

  1. M1dailey

    M1dailey Registered User

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    My wife is not receptive to the idea of me becoming a Freemason. I have visited the local lodge and actually completed the application, but did not submit it because of the fear of the home interview with my spouse. I do understand through reading other post's that spouses are "adopted" through the husbands membership with the fraternity. I truly do not think that she would stop me from joining, but definitely would not be receptive or supportive in my efforts. I would not not want this visit with lodge members jeapordize my chances of being voted in. Any thoughts? (Southeast Tennessee)
     
  2. Ripcord22A

    Ripcord22A Site Benefactor

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    Your wife definitely needs to be on board.....take her with you to the next dinner. Talk to a couple members and get them to bring their wives too.

    Sent from my LG-H811 using My Freemasonry Pro mobile app
     
  3. Bill Lins

    Bill Lins Moderating Staff Staff Member

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    What are her objections? If she can verbalize them, you & the interviewing Brethren may be able to assuage her concerns. If not, we are not in the business of damaging marriages.
     
  4. M1dailey

    M1dailey Registered User

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    Her objections are the common misconceptions as you find with those who are on the outside looking in. One thing that I keep hearing is the "secrecy" that is within the group.
     
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  5. Travelling Man91

    Travelling Man91 Registered User

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    As Mr. Brent Morris stated "Yes we have certain secret, and it will stay that way"

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  6. dfreybur

    dfreybur Premium Member

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    Then you should not submit the petition. We are not supposed to admit candidates whose wife objects.

    If her objections are based on delusions, deal with that first.
     
  7. Mike Martin

    Mike Martin Eternal Apprentice Premium Member

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    MY lodge would not accept you as a Candidate if your Wife did not support your membership as that would fly in the face of the priorities that Freemasonry expects you to keep in life.
     
  8. M1dailey

    M1dailey Registered User

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    Sounds good gentlemen! Those are the standards which should be more prevalent with any organization. You guys have just moved up in my eyes. I will deal with the wife and we will work on the objections. Thanks again!
     
  9. rpbrown

    rpbrown Premium Member

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    My wife was initially against it for the same reasons. One thing that helped was our Associate Pastor was my top line signer and spoke with her at length. Another thing that helped was there was a Golden Trowel Award ceremony that was to take place in which we were invited. When she saw the prayers that took place, it eased her mind. That was 8 years ago and I am now the sitting WM. Now she is fine with it most of the time. The only exceptions are when she makes plans that include me without consulting me or my calendar and we have things that overlap, but that is with everything, not just Masonry. You would think that after 30 years together, she would learn.
    We have access to each others calendars just for things like this, however, I had a business meeting last week that had been scheduled for over a month. She was informed of this meeting and as an officer of our company, she was to be there as well. She failed to put it on her calendar and failed to check my calendar so she forgot about the meeting. In the next couple of weeks leading up to the meeting, she scheduled for us to take a 4 day weekend out of town. It was supposed to be a surprise for me but when she sprung it on me, we discussed the meeting and her not checking calendars and she had to reschedule the trip. Gotta love them. LOL
     
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  10. Bloke

    Bloke Premium Member

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    I think the initial advice given above is sound and good, but I did read this thread before it had replies and had some thoughts which are not as good advice.

    Firstly, I 100% agree with "we are not in the business of damaging marriages". Here we say the priorities of a good Freemason are;
    1 Family
    2 Work, and then
    3 lodge.

    That said, I've got two stories.

    One, the first man I ever proposed. His wife's position, was sure, go ahead but dont expect me to be involved. Part of the concern around her mum who thinks Freemasons worship the devil. She has been told this by her church. The pact is her mum can never find out (the same mum LOVES me btw and thinks the sun shines out of my you-know-where). This is a woman who had a neighbour who she used to sing the praises of, who helped her and her family, and was generally nice. He was at lunch and somehow it came up he had a commitment that evening; he was going to lodge. He was never invited in again and given the cold shoulder. The brother is still a brother, but he does not make lodge as often as he would like, partly because of this lack of home support. But his wife (who is lovely btw) asked us for donations to the local school fete and has been down to the lodge a few times. She is not the sort of woman who would take a donation from devil worshipers and she has also met a few Freemasons and also discovered a friend close to her has a husband brother and another brother in the street who they always socialise with... She was not opposed, but the lack of support makes it hard. Some brothers have wives who instruct them firmly "GO TO LODGE" when their husbands are stressed; because they come back afresh. I guess the lesson here is you can operate without the total support of your wife, but it makes it easier to have it. I've had brother's wives telephone me because they know we are a good ear when their husband is in trouble or struggling.... may woman come to see great value in their man being a Freemason... If she completely says no - then I would not join.

    The second is one of my favs. I have a brother who's fiance (now wife) has a similar attitude to the above. Her initial exposure to Freemasonry was in another state where the demographic is very aged. She ended up declaring, she had no problem with Freemasonry, but she would never come. My partner wanted to go to a restaurant when we were first going out. The banquet was for 16. I said I would have no problem getting those numbers which I did,7 Freemasons and their partners and one non-freemason and his partner and another brother who went stag. My bro said his fiance would not come because it was with Freemasons. I said don't tell her, at the end of the day I'm taking my partner out with friends and it's not a masonic function. Indeed, many of the brothers did not know each other and I didn't mention we were mainly Freemasons. So, we had a great night. At some point, most of the men went out to smoke and discovered all but one was a brother (and yes, that man was finally initiated last year some 5 years after this dinner). All were told about my brothers finance Sarah.. and told not to talk shop. We came upstairs to find the girls in the corner in deep and delightful conversation. Brilliant night out. One the way home Sarah was quizzing how he knew me and the other guys and she was told all but one were Freemasons. She was a little shocked but afterward came to every social she can but asks the same question before, is Georgina, Grace or etc going to be there? If one of them is, she will come. My partner comes regardless because she likes the boys. She crashed a masonic function on Sat to deliver some left over sandwiches and walked in like she owned the place for kisses and hugs. I met her through a Past Master who she was friends with and an ex-employeer and friend also turned out to be a bro (he came last Sat night too). She was at that brothers 25 year pin recently and his current PA came up to my partner and asked what she thought about this weird bunch and my partner said, it keeps me happy, they are all here for fellowship and self improvement and we help people - so she's all for Freemasonry..... it has also been good for her two daughters (one who we helped financially to compete in State and National Sports) because they have learned how to conduct themselves at formal dinners, but also know what good men there are out there and they should not put up with a sub-standard one as a partner or friend...

    I guess what I saying in the above is a couple of things, in the right lodge, your family can get a lot of good social contact out of you being a Freemason, that some folk are prejudiced, but once they get to know Freemasons, generally we create a good impression. I was worried about what my mum would say because she belongs to the same church my friend above's mother in law belongs. When I told her she thought it was great - her favourite cousin is a brother...

    I'd fine a few brothers who would make a good impression and have them meet your wife. And I would show her these posts...
     
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  11. Warrior1256

    Warrior1256 Site Benefactor

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    All excellent points!
     
  12. Mike Martin

    Mike Martin Eternal Apprentice Premium Member

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    I would recommend that you tell your wife that she can join this or any other Masonic Discussion Forum where she can ask questions of actual Freemasons and get to the bottom of her concerns.
     
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  13. Warrior1256

    Warrior1256 Site Benefactor

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    Great idea.
     

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