Monica the brethren have the best advice for you. If you want to be apart of a lodge you can, but as mentioned, you will not be recognized by the rest of the regular Masonic world. My advice: OES would be a great place to start. At least you would be recognized as legitimate. After that if you still desire to attend a lodge, then your only route would be joining a clandestine body. At least you would have experienced the legit route first. I personally don't condone attending any clandestine body, and I'm sure the brethren here would concur. Good luck Monica, I hope you find you place and receive all the light you deserve.