Masonic Limericks

Discussion in 'Masonic Jocularity and Merriment' started by Blake Bowden, Nov 5, 2009.

  1. Blake Bowden

    Blake Bowden Administrator Staff Member

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    Upon googling the internet with clicks,

    I found Masonic limericks were nix.

    Why is that so?

    I really don’t know;

    So I wrote some myself - just for kicks.


    There once was a Freemason called Mitchell

    Who had trouble remembering his ritual.

    The Master said, “Son,

    The learning’s not done

    Until it becomes habitual.â€


    A visiting Brother from Texas

    Stood To Order in Lodge right next to us.

    He gave us a fright

    As he stepped-off with his right;

    He just happened to be ambidextrous.


    There was a Freemason from Clydes

    Who wore a newspaper apron. He confides,

    The apron caught fire

    And burned his entire

    Front page, sports section and classifieds.


    The Brethren from Lodge at The Grange,

    A light bulb they had to exchange;

    It no longer would glow,

    But the Master said, “No,

    In Freemasonry nothing can change.â€


    A one-legged Mason from Myrtle

    Once had a race with a turtle;

    But the turtle won fair

    Because the man on the square

    Went round the fourth part of a circle.


    There was a young Mason from York

    Who felt like a bit of a dork,

    In his black penguin suit

    And white apron to boot,

    ‘Till he went to Grand Lodge for a gawk.


    Three ruffians thought it was simple

    To steal the builder’s secrets, until

    He prevaricated - said “Nay,

    I’ll not betray.â€

    So they served Hiram Abiff in the temple.


    There was a Lodge Chaplain named Bell,

    Who read words from the VSL.

    Sometimes he’d mutter,

    Sometimes he’d stutter,

    And sometimes he’d even yell.


    Two came for the first Tracing Board,

    One by free will and accord;

    But the other old bloke,

    This is no joke,

    Came by Model T Ford.


    There was a young man named Jason

    Who wanted to become a Freemason;

    But when a Brother of note

    Said, “You’ll ride the goatâ€,

    Jason from the Mason did hasten.


    The Master asked the Candidate from Fyfe,

    “In times of difficulty and strife,

    Tell us, you must,

    In whom do you trust?â€

    The Candidate replied, “In the wife.â€


    There once was a PM from Mayne

    Who did nothing in Lodge but complain.

    That wasn’t the way

    It was done in his day.

    He really was a terrible pain.


    Testing a Lodge visitor at Doncaster,

    Once caused an embarassing disaster.

    When asked for the Word

    He said, “Don’t be absurd,

    You should know that I’m the Grand Master!â€


    The Stewards at a Lodge in Turin

    Served the Festive Board, with a grin.

    But the size of each plate

    Wasso overweight,

    The Junior Warden said, “Halve it, and begin.â€
     
  2. C. Banks Barbee

    C. Banks Barbee Registered User

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    Wow. That is freakin' awesome. I'm literally without words.
     
  3. luftx

    luftx Premium Member

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    Those were great Blake!

    In October, I went to a Tranquility Lodge meeting, said meeting was in honor of the passing of their WM, Donald Sargent, DDGM Masonic District #21A. I am ambidextrous and while I was signing in with my left hand, a brother behind me said, "Brother, you are using the wrong hand." I replied, "Oh, Sorry!" and switched to my right and completed the process.

    The other brother said "That was the beginning of a joke, but I have never seen anyone do that before, I'll never say that joke again." I laughed and said I enjoyed doing that to people, ESPECIALLY when they open the door for me, it really blows peoples mind, and most of the time I don't even realize what hand I'm using. It was funny!

    Robert
     
  4. Beathard

    Beathard Premium Member

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    Great. Going to use the first on in certificate class today.
     

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