Good morning brethren.
I apologise in advance if this is a repeated topic, though I hope it isn’t. I don’t want to be a newbie pain in the proverbial. If this offends or isn’t appropriate please remove, not intending to stir up any trouble whatsoever, total opposite. It’s going to be a long one.
I joined my lodge in November 2022. A wonderful evening, I advanced to fellow and found the degree good but not as exciting, the MM degree was unnerving in a good way, really enjoyed and can still place myself there when I think of it. Didn’t understand it all, still don’t! But it was fantastic.
My own, personal issues started after this. I’d gone through the degrees, I’d sat amongst the regular meetings and accepted it can’t always be exciting and mystifying.
I’m a nostalgic, sentimental 36 year old born in the wrong era. I love tradition, I find myself more comfortable reading historical books than watching Netflix. Maybe a boring old sod but I don’t think so. I joined freemasonry with the wide eyed hope of learning new things, meeting new brothers and having an escape from the ‘real world’ and all its misery and problems.
I’ll cut to it - I’ve fell completely out of it. Love, care, desire to attend. I missed the entirety of last year, once you fall into that habit it’s difficult to break. My last meeting was November 2024. I missed the installation in Jan 25 through illness then from then on just thought ‘do I actually want to go?’. Time away allowed a different focus, I believe lodge should be something we actively look forward to. Sometimes we’re going to have grumbles, mostly it’s a great night, or that is the theory.
My particular lodge has a group of individuals. Lovely people, but the camaraderie and brotherly element seems to be present solely for raising evenings. Most of the members are older. That’s FM all over. Most are great people, but the ones that aren’t, are really becoming a problem. I am humble enough to accept my ‘place’ in the lodge. I am nobody, my not being there doesn’t change a thing, I understand that fully. in the outside world I’m a business owner and involved with all different types of people from your average chap to right honourable lords and deca millionaires. There is a mutual respect amongst everybody I encounter, but there is one chap in my lodge c80 years old in particular who is outright rude and makes his disdain for anybody under 50 extremely clear. I’ve tried multiple times to talk to him, help him with the door, offer to just assist where I can and I am met with dismissive tutting and unbelievably curt language. I don’t expect anything more than civility. After 2 years the DC (sent from heaven, truly incredible gentleman) asked me to lead the entrance, amazing. I could here the one person whispering (learned to whisper in a helicopter) about this is ridiculous, he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s getting it all wrong. I felt an inch tall. Afterwards I had people saying ‘you looked like you’d done that a thousand times’ - I brushed it off as brotherly kindness but when speaking with one higher up I actively said ‘I did a terrible job’, he was visually shocked. He reiterated, that if I’d done so he would advise me kindly and discuss/teach it at Loi. ‘Just ignore him’ is difficult when it becomes so frequent.
There is around 10 other brothers in their 70s. Out of these I believe there is 3 who I’ve tried to talk to at the FB and find at best I’m met with passive smiles before they turn to others. I don’t expect to be liked, I don’t expect to get along with everybody, I just find it puzzling when I’ve done everything in my power to be humble, reserved and respectful but find I’m looked at as if I’m an intruder. We have had quite a few people go through the degrees, do two meetings and disappear. The other 7 (ish) gents I speak to are nice, have a good chat about the good old days, talk about holidays and their families etc, all good wholesome stuff.
A large portion of our lodge and officers are from the Philippines. These are a great great group of people. Individually they are warm, friendly, have a wicked sense of humour and to a man I class them as top level people. The only issue I find is when together they form a mini lodge within the lodge almost. Before they were Jw/Sw and WM they would often sit themselves at a table at the FB with 3-5 other bros from the same part of the world and other than participating in toasts would mostly be in their own bubble. I understand, as people being away from their ‘home country’ it must be fantastic to speak in your mother tongue with your closest friends and brothers, all going on this journey together, and boy do they journey, they go all over the country and the world visiting lodges. Their dedication to the craft is admirable! Amazing people, but a touch clicky without the nastiness and pettiness you’d normally associate with that phrase, it’s not a ‘bad’ clique it’s just them doing their thing, it’s difficult to even discuss as they’re not harming anybody and they’re not doing anything you’d say was wrong, they’re just in their own journey together.
I hate to use such a strong word, but it has become boring. I look round the room and see brothers staring into the GGotU, at the FB I see brothers watching the clock, I see a general apathy setting in that won’t budge. Before leaving I spent the year, so 10 meetings approx. Trying to broach some social events, I spoke with the person officially tasked with this and he said go for it - but good luck with an eye roll. I have tried to arrange curry nights, an ‘afters’ for a few drinks after the FB, trip to GL in London I managed to get to £40 all in including food, a year in advance and plenty of other things. The only thing that’s a rounding success is the annual Sunday afternoon croquet event... I was told it would be too expensive for some of the brothers to visit London even with the rates secured, so don’t offer it. I’ve asked some of the elder brothers and some of the 10 year brothers ‘what next?’ Aside from my own research which can be wrong, when can we start learning? We seem to be in a loop of raise-make-lose and everything in between is brief formal meets then onto the FB, home for 20:30. Our lodge is a weekend evening. Didn’t expect a raucous party but after the peas gravy and tough chunk of lamb the carpark looks like wacky races with the cloud of multiple Honda Jazz’s tearing away.
I loved the idea, I loved it when I joined, I had an insatiable thirst to learn more and immerse myself in it all but have found every step of the way(!) it seems we do routine for routine sake. Should I find a new lodge, or was I expecting more and this is how it should be? Yours S&F
I apologise in advance if this is a repeated topic, though I hope it isn’t. I don’t want to be a newbie pain in the proverbial. If this offends or isn’t appropriate please remove, not intending to stir up any trouble whatsoever, total opposite. It’s going to be a long one.
I joined my lodge in November 2022. A wonderful evening, I advanced to fellow and found the degree good but not as exciting, the MM degree was unnerving in a good way, really enjoyed and can still place myself there when I think of it. Didn’t understand it all, still don’t! But it was fantastic.
My own, personal issues started after this. I’d gone through the degrees, I’d sat amongst the regular meetings and accepted it can’t always be exciting and mystifying.
I’m a nostalgic, sentimental 36 year old born in the wrong era. I love tradition, I find myself more comfortable reading historical books than watching Netflix. Maybe a boring old sod but I don’t think so. I joined freemasonry with the wide eyed hope of learning new things, meeting new brothers and having an escape from the ‘real world’ and all its misery and problems.
I’ll cut to it - I’ve fell completely out of it. Love, care, desire to attend. I missed the entirety of last year, once you fall into that habit it’s difficult to break. My last meeting was November 2024. I missed the installation in Jan 25 through illness then from then on just thought ‘do I actually want to go?’. Time away allowed a different focus, I believe lodge should be something we actively look forward to. Sometimes we’re going to have grumbles, mostly it’s a great night, or that is the theory.
My particular lodge has a group of individuals. Lovely people, but the camaraderie and brotherly element seems to be present solely for raising evenings. Most of the members are older. That’s FM all over. Most are great people, but the ones that aren’t, are really becoming a problem. I am humble enough to accept my ‘place’ in the lodge. I am nobody, my not being there doesn’t change a thing, I understand that fully. in the outside world I’m a business owner and involved with all different types of people from your average chap to right honourable lords and deca millionaires. There is a mutual respect amongst everybody I encounter, but there is one chap in my lodge c80 years old in particular who is outright rude and makes his disdain for anybody under 50 extremely clear. I’ve tried multiple times to talk to him, help him with the door, offer to just assist where I can and I am met with dismissive tutting and unbelievably curt language. I don’t expect anything more than civility. After 2 years the DC (sent from heaven, truly incredible gentleman) asked me to lead the entrance, amazing. I could here the one person whispering (learned to whisper in a helicopter) about this is ridiculous, he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s getting it all wrong. I felt an inch tall. Afterwards I had people saying ‘you looked like you’d done that a thousand times’ - I brushed it off as brotherly kindness but when speaking with one higher up I actively said ‘I did a terrible job’, he was visually shocked. He reiterated, that if I’d done so he would advise me kindly and discuss/teach it at Loi. ‘Just ignore him’ is difficult when it becomes so frequent.
There is around 10 other brothers in their 70s. Out of these I believe there is 3 who I’ve tried to talk to at the FB and find at best I’m met with passive smiles before they turn to others. I don’t expect to be liked, I don’t expect to get along with everybody, I just find it puzzling when I’ve done everything in my power to be humble, reserved and respectful but find I’m looked at as if I’m an intruder. We have had quite a few people go through the degrees, do two meetings and disappear. The other 7 (ish) gents I speak to are nice, have a good chat about the good old days, talk about holidays and their families etc, all good wholesome stuff.
A large portion of our lodge and officers are from the Philippines. These are a great great group of people. Individually they are warm, friendly, have a wicked sense of humour and to a man I class them as top level people. The only issue I find is when together they form a mini lodge within the lodge almost. Before they were Jw/Sw and WM they would often sit themselves at a table at the FB with 3-5 other bros from the same part of the world and other than participating in toasts would mostly be in their own bubble. I understand, as people being away from their ‘home country’ it must be fantastic to speak in your mother tongue with your closest friends and brothers, all going on this journey together, and boy do they journey, they go all over the country and the world visiting lodges. Their dedication to the craft is admirable! Amazing people, but a touch clicky without the nastiness and pettiness you’d normally associate with that phrase, it’s not a ‘bad’ clique it’s just them doing their thing, it’s difficult to even discuss as they’re not harming anybody and they’re not doing anything you’d say was wrong, they’re just in their own journey together.
I hate to use such a strong word, but it has become boring. I look round the room and see brothers staring into the GGotU, at the FB I see brothers watching the clock, I see a general apathy setting in that won’t budge. Before leaving I spent the year, so 10 meetings approx. Trying to broach some social events, I spoke with the person officially tasked with this and he said go for it - but good luck with an eye roll. I have tried to arrange curry nights, an ‘afters’ for a few drinks after the FB, trip to GL in London I managed to get to £40 all in including food, a year in advance and plenty of other things. The only thing that’s a rounding success is the annual Sunday afternoon croquet event... I was told it would be too expensive for some of the brothers to visit London even with the rates secured, so don’t offer it. I’ve asked some of the elder brothers and some of the 10 year brothers ‘what next?’ Aside from my own research which can be wrong, when can we start learning? We seem to be in a loop of raise-make-lose and everything in between is brief formal meets then onto the FB, home for 20:30. Our lodge is a weekend evening. Didn’t expect a raucous party but after the peas gravy and tough chunk of lamb the carpark looks like wacky races with the cloud of multiple Honda Jazz’s tearing away.
I loved the idea, I loved it when I joined, I had an insatiable thirst to learn more and immerse myself in it all but have found every step of the way(!) it seems we do routine for routine sake. Should I find a new lodge, or was I expecting more and this is how it should be? Yours S&F
