Does Masonry cause Marital conflicts???

[Ashlar]

During the summer when we don't have anything and a lot of bodies don't meet, she asks "Don't you have Masons soon?"

S&F,
-Bro Vick

When I am getting on the wife's nerves , a by-product of being up each other's butts , she will ask me "Isn't there a lodge somewhere you can go !? "

 

[Michael Hatley]

Something else I might mention, is that if you wind up joining the Shriners you might have the same experience as I had. My wife actually wound up more into going to Shriner stuff than me, which was a surprise. Bingo and dances and whatnot seemed way too nerdy for her, or so I thought.

Here is the trick that I lucked into: wait till there is an event that she sorta wants to go to at the Shrine...for me it was a bingo/poker night. Then go lazy and beg off going the night of. Its like the playing hard to get bit I guess, because now she reads the newsletter thingie and pesters me about goint to every event on the calendar :8:

 

[Bro. Stewart P.M.]

I say no. However, I must admit that I probably get away with "being away" so much only because of my wife's active involvement in the Order of the Eastern Star.

Otherwise, I probably would not be as active as I currently am...

 

[Traveling Man]

Re: Skip Sampson's comment: Hint, he already knows. He's trying to be divisive again. Old saw, same ¢rap, he won't give up. City's...

 

[BryanMaloney]

My wife is already champing at the bit to start OES. She can go ahead before I'm raised, since her grandfather was a Master Mason.

 

[Tx4ever]

My wife of 30 years has fully supported my masonic journey. I have been secretary,JW,SW and now WM.Grand Lodge every year,Fundraisers .degree teams etc etc. I am also very active in the shrine. With out her full support i could not be as active as i would like to be. We are also members and officers in OES. The first week of each month is tough. Shrine Monday, Lodge Tuesday and OES on Thursday.We LOVE IT! PS We both still work full time jobs and have a very active Hunting/Fishing schedule. I thank God everyday for all the blessings ive been given.

 

[California Master]

Some jurisdictions, I am told, require the candidate to remove his wedding band prior to the EA ceremony. In such jurisdictions, I'd assume a wife's reaction to that would provide the best clue to her views and/or objections. Cordially, Skip

It's almost universal in all jurisdictions to have the candidate remove all metallic objects during initiations. You must use descretion. If removing a wedding band would offend the candidate, wrap the ring with tape and explain to him that this is symbolic of him not having the metal in possession. All of which will be explained to him when he receives his degree. After becoming an Entered Apprenctice Mason, it shouldn't be an issue.

 

[T.N. Sampson]

If removing a wedding band would offend the candidate, wrap the ring with tape and explain to him that this is symbolic of him not having the metal in possession.

The HI GL addressed it thusly in their 2010 Code:

2688a. Where a candidate refuses to be divested of all minerals and metals, insisting on retaining a wedding ring on his finger because of his marriage vows, he should be rejected, and the Master should so declare at the next regular meeting of the Lodge. If minerals and metal cannot be removed, as where a finger has become too large to permit removal of a ring, substantial compliance may be permitted, and the ring maybe taped and disregarded.

Few GL Codes that I've seen address the issue, so I do not know if all jurisdictions maintain the same policy as does HI. The CA GL deleted the Code section allowing the ring to be taped in 2006 and the WI GL seems to follow HI should the candidate refuse to remove his ring. I do not have access to the TX GL code.

My earlier point was that if the wife did not know that her husband would be required to remove his wedding band, it might cause the type of problems inherent in the thread title. Thus, it would appear wise to ensure that the interview process made the issue plain to both. A candidate not prepared for the demand would find himself in a bit of a quandry, and in effect, forced to choose between his wedding vows and Masonry. Cordially, Skip.

 

[Brent Heilman]

My wife is fully supportive of me. Her dad was a Mason so she knows what all that entails. If we have a family function or plans on a Lodge night or degree night I simply tell the Brothers I will not be there. It has never been an issue and most likely won't ever be. My wife was not present during my investigation simply because she was out of town. She gives me a hard time about being at the lodge so long when I am there but she has no problem with it, and believe me if she did she would let me know! The only way that it can cause problems is if Masonry starts to replace her. If you go to every single get together, meeting, and join every appendant body and attend every function of theirs then I can see it causing problems in a marriage. If we divide our time liek we are taught then there is no problem.

As far as the whole wedding ring issue goes, if your wife has a problem with you taking it off for a very short amount of time then there are much larger issues that need to be dealt with. I one of my former jobs I didn't wear rings while at work. I didn't want a degloving accident or to lose a finger. If my wife thought because I was removing my ring at work meant that I wasn't faithful or I didn't honor my vows we wouldn't have stayed married anyway. Of course we did get a divorce later because of her actions not because I didn't wear my ring at work.

Another question is how would she ever know? I know for one I didn't get home the night of my initiation and go on about how I had to remove my wedding ring. I can only see the ring being an issue for those that want to make it one. If there is such a hang up about removing it you probably shouldn't be petitioning anyway. It isn't like I have to remove it every time I walk through the doors.

I personally feel that if a person is making such a big deal about a wedding ring then they are looking for an excuse to get out already. They will not be an asset to the Lodge and will soon go suspended.

 

[T.N. Sampson]

Another question is how would she ever know?

Better question: what would she do if she found out afterwards? I don't believe that a wife must know your every thought or your every action; however, she should be aware of things that pertain to your marriage. Ensuring she knows is the ounce of prevention. Cordially, Skip.

 

[cemab4y]

Does Masonry cause Marital conflicts? There is no easy answer. Each marriage is unique, so each time that a man takes up some activity, like fishing or bowling, there is a "ripple"effect.

As for myself, my wife is 100% supportive. Although she does not wish to know the specifics, she has no problem with me associating with good men, a couple of times a month. In fact, she looks forward to the privacy, and getting to control the TV set.

I would encourage any candidate for Masonry, who has concerns in this regard, to have his wife talk it over with some other Masonic wives. Women are truthful to one another, and I believe that any concerns would be addressed.

My lodge has very few "co-ed" activities. But the Shrine has all types of dinners, dances, parties, barbecues, etc, for the member AND his lady. That is one reason that I encourage all MMs to seriously consider the Shrine, for the activities for the wife and kids.

My wife was never interested, until I took her to a "hillbilly" club (A Shrine organization). She was "hooked" right away. The Hillbillies have country dancing,and covered dish suppers, and barbecues, that are terrific.

As far as having to remove your wedding band during Masonic degree work, if a man has promised his wife that he wishes to keep the ring on, he is free to cover the ring with white adhesive tape during the degree work. Wearing a ring does'nt make you married, any more that putting on a badge makes you a police officer.

 

[Brent Heilman]

Better question: what would she do if she found out afterwards? I don't believe that a wife must know your every thought or your every action; however, she should be aware of things that pertain to your marriage. Ensuring she knows is the ounce of prevention. Cordially, Skip.

I can tell you what my wife would say, and that is nothing. I take off my rings at night when I go to bed, sometimes I forget to put them back on. It isn't a big deal to her. She will give me a hard time about it, but takes no offense. The ring you wear is nothing more than a symbol or token of your vows. I have a couple of friends whose ring hides a tattoo. So when the ring is removed there is a tat there that still symbolizes their union. In reality if your marriage can be threatened by the removing a ring then you need a marriage counselor. Something this trivial and being made such a big deal of is ridiculous. It is almost like what is being said is if I don't wear my MM ring then I am not upholding my obligations and can't be considered a Mason.