Satirical Article on the Illuminati / Freemasonry

Discussion in 'General Freemasonry Discussion' started by ctp2nd, Nov 17, 2010.

  1. ctp2nd

    ctp2nd Premium Member

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    Link: (Possibly some NSFW Ads and Articles)http://www.masonsoftexas.com/newthread.php?do=newthread&f=2

    Stuff You Should Know: The Illuminati

    Posted 11/16/2010 at 10:35 am by Kristi
    If all you know about the Illuminati was taught to you by one Professor Dan Brown, then you are in for a treat, my friend. Because there is a lot more to this lovable group of invisible puppet masters than just secret murders and a conspiracy to set up a new world order. A lot more. For example:

    1. The Bavarian Connection

    Both the current Pope and the Illuminati were born in Bavaria, possibly on the same day, but probably not, because the Illuminati is 234 years old. Bavarian philosopher and professor Adam Weishaupt founded the secret club on May 1, 1776, and modeled it after the equally sneaky Freemasons. Some say the point of the Illuminati was to overthrow all the monarchies and state governments of Europe, but all those sources are also shady blogs created in 1997 and festooned with blinky dollar signs and pyramids. We’re going to go ahead and take their word for it, though.

    2. The Illuminati was Wildly Popular – At First

    Enlightened men all over Europe were on secret club rolls like white on rice. But they didn’t call themselves ‘Illuminati,’ they preferred ‘Perfectibilists,’ which is an even more prickish name, isn’t it? Within ten years the club claimed over 2000 members throughout Europe. But super secret white man club parties rarely last, and this one lost a ton of steam when the ruler of Bavaria banned all hush-hush clubs in 1784. Membership dwindled, Weishaupt was ousted and the Illuminati disbanded. Or did they?

    3. Yeah, They Probably Did

    While the Freemasonry survived the banning and continues up until the present day, the only people who really think the Illuminati are still around are wackjob conspiracy theorists. And the first conspiracy theory revolving around the Illuminati had to do with the French Revolution. This is how it went:

    Revolutionaries wanted to overthrow the monarchy
    Illuminati wanted to overthrow the monarchy
    The Illuminati were secretly responsible for the French Revolution
    As hard as it is to argue with logic so tight you could take a bath in it, the evidence is sadly lacking.

    4. For Our Purposes, the Illuminati and Freemasons are the Same Thing

    They’re not, obviously, but in the beginning the Illuminati drew their membership from the same pool of freethinking aristocrats as the Freemasons. And when the Freemasons kept, you know, existing, and the Illuminati totally didn’t, conspiracy theorists just kind of tagged the Illuminati as the Freemasons’ sneaky secret overlords. Or underlords. We’re not sure which.

    5. Illuminati Conspiracy Theory: Short Version

    Illuminati conspiracy theorists are afraid of one thing: New World Order. The idea picked up steam in the early 20th century when a British revisionist historian convinced herself and others, including Winston Churchill, that the Illuminati and Jews were mos’ def behind the French Revolution. As the century wore on and conservatives got more and more scared of Communists and atheist liberals, the idea of a sinister mastermind group orchestrating world events picked up steam. The goal of the secret group? A New World Order, duh. One government, no religion, no states. So, pretty much the real life version of John Lennon’s ‘Imagine.’

    6. And Then Bush, Sr. Stepped in It

    Just when Christian conservatives were getting all riled up about Satan’s minions setting up a ‘New World Order’ through the Masons, Illuminati, Jews and ACLU, George Bush, Sr. said the following:

    Now, we can see a new world coming into view. A world in which there is the very real prospect of a new world order. In the words of Winston Churchill, a “world order†in which “the principles of justice and fair play … protect the weak against the strong …
    EEK! And now we know why he wasn’t re-elected.

    7. Everyone from the Bush Family to the Obamas Have Been Tied to the Club

    Well, yeah, after that speech. The Bushes and the Obamas, even though you’d think these guys probably wouldn’t chill at the same club. Bonus fact, if you google ‘Bush family Illuminati’ the first kajillion hits are from end times Christian web sites; the first one refers to George Bush as a ‘Luciferian’ and uses a picture of him lighting the Olympic Winter torch as evidence of his participation in Illuminati rituals.

    After the above torch ceremony, Bush and his wife joined his parents and daughters at Camp David, presumably for a secret satanic solstice ritual.
    And since this source was totally backed up by Wikipedia, you should feel 100% safe clicking on it. For sure.

    8. Also, Jay-Z

    Oh, Jay-Z is totally Illuminati, didn’t you know? Why else would a 41 year old man keep making those ridiculous pyramid signs all over the place? Because unlike past members of the Illuminati, Jay-Z has ZERO INTEREST in keeping his affiliation under wraps.

    He puts cult imagery on his clothing line:

    Sings about overthrowing the current world order in “Run this Townâ€:



    And clearly turned Beyonce into an evil Mrs. Illuminati:

    Maybe in an effort to do some damage control, Jay-Z wrote a whole song about how he wasn’t a Freemason. Here are some lyrics:

    “B-tch I said I was amazing, Not that I’m a Masonâ€
    Mayhaps not. But it doesn’t change the fact that he shakes hands in the Freemasonest/cultiest way possible:

    But speaking of pyramids all over the place…

    9. The Illuminati Had Nothing to do With the Symbols on the Dollar Bill

    Disappointing, I know. It took six years for Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and the rest of their ‘Invent a Great Seal for the United States’ committee to come up with the seal that we see on the dollar bill. Of all the guys on the committee, only Ben was a known Freemason, and his suggestion of ‘Moses parting the sea and using the parted waters to kill a crowned Pharoah sitting in a chariot’ was promptly rejected. Although we do associate the all-seeing eye with Freemasonry today, they didn’t adopt that symbol until several years after the Great Seal was approved.

    10. There are Still Places Where the Illuminati are Thriving

    Unfortunately, those places only exist in Dan Brown’s vivid imagination. Before Brown scored bigtime with The Da Vinci Code, he wrote Angels and Demons. And in that book, symbologist/protagonist (symbtagonist?) Robert Langdon chases down members of the Illuminati who are keen on blowing up the Vatican. With a canister of antimatter. Totally what Adam Weishaupt had in mind when he started his little club.
     
    jermy Bell likes this.
  2. tbone1321

    tbone1321 Premium Member

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    Nice thank you for that
     
  3. fmasonlog

    fmasonlog Registered User

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  4. fmasonlog

    fmasonlog Registered User

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    Why is there a Facebook page of illuminati with a confirmation check mark from Facebook? I'd like to be educated, thx.


    Sent from my iPhone using My Freemasonry
     
  5. dfreybur

    dfreybur Premium Member

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    Since the actual Illuminati have not existed for centuries I figure they only want conspiracy theorists not folks who know the actual history.
     
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  6. fmasonlog

    fmasonlog Registered User

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    That's amazing... they've even published books. I think it's called the first testament of illuminati.


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  7. dfreybur

    dfreybur Premium Member

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    Consider the Order of Bards and Druids. Great guys but the actual Druids were wiped out millennia ago. It's okay to reconstruct a defunct order, but the history of that order matters. A group could be sincerely reconstructing the defunct order - If so I suggest that fact will be prominently mentioned in their documentation.
     
  8. fmasonlog

    fmasonlog Registered User

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    That is believable as I've heard similar story from another brother.


    Sent from my iPhone using My Freemasonry
     
  9. jermy Bell

    jermy Bell Registered User

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    Where do I sign up ? Lol
     
  10. fmasonlog

    fmasonlog Registered User

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    Lol, are you serious? They've got a verified page on Facebook... probably check on there. I personally am lost about illuminati... but after reading the book, I learned that they want to make the world a better place and are short of members. Also... they promise whoever is loyal with rewards in riches, betrayal to illuminati earns you public shame throughout connections. It is certainly interesting


    Sent from my iPhone using My Freemasonry
     
  11. jermy Bell

    jermy Bell Registered User

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    Where would we be without all the conspiracy theories? I keep looking around and talking to the older members of some of the lodges we visit, about all these ceremonies ,and knowing where all the gold is and when we're taking over the world. A real good friend who is a brother and just turned 94, looked at me and said son, you've watched to many movies. I've been a mason for 50 years, and I still can't get anyone to tell me. Lol.
     
  12. Bloke

    Bloke Premium Member

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  13. Brother JC

    Brother JC Vigilant Staff Member

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    Roswell #18 might challenge those museum franchise fees. I'm sure they were behind the UFO.
     
    Bloke likes this.
  14. Bloke

    Bloke Premium Member

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    That's in a different set of minutes :D
     
  15. Cruce

    Cruce Registered User

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    hahaha ......them whack job conspiracy theorists. where do they get this stuff from? :)
     
  16. jermy Bell

    jermy Bell Registered User

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    Have you heard the one that we are micro chipping children like dogs, so we can keep tabs on them ?
     
    Cruce likes this.
  17. Cruce

    Cruce Registered User

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    I've probably heard them all. Yes I did hear that one. Who would do something like that? :)
     
  18. MarkR

    MarkR Premium Member

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    Thus the reason that we changed the name of the program from CHiP to Kids' ID.
     
    Bloke and Ripcord22A like this.

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