I shall approach this from the perspective of one who was very active from the time I was initiated (1994), through years in the chairs, to the time I moved from Texas to Virginia in 2007.
What kept me coming back to lodge, in Texas, was the friendship. Being able to associate with men who accepted me; where it was OK to be a good father, churchman, citizen--provided a needed counterpoint to the pressures of home and work.
Looking at the other side of that coin was the experience I had in the Grotto (MOVPER). My first (and only) stated meeting saw a vicious argument, on the lodge floor, between past monarchs over an interpretation of a technical point in the bylaws. When i say vicious, I say that through the lenses of someone who served 30 years in the Army and Navy reserves. I mean they "talked like (stereotypical) sailors". I asked for a demit, though I'm not sure I received it. In a sense, I suspended them from my lodge--my circle of fraternal association.
I've missed that, here in Virginia. I went to lodge here, for a monthly breakfast, once--before leaving for an Iraq tour. I introduced myself around, not being particularly shy, and enjoyed the breakfast. But, I essentially ate alone. The preexistent social circles were strong and did not readily admit new members. Every time I made comment or observation, I would get wry looks and then, studiously ignoring me, they would turn back to themselves.
I'm thinking about trying again, at another lodge. I put myself back in college, these last two years--pursuing a Masters in Ancient and Classical History. It filled my extracurricular hours. But, I'm getting ready to do my thesis and should be done by the end of summer. I plan to take a year or two to read and write for fun while my youngest finishes high school. Then, I'll be looking for PhD programs. It would be nice to have some masonic friends.
Maybe the Research Lodge or the Scottish Rite Research Society.