Bloke
Premium Member
Tempted to start with a wise crack about "I have this friend who has a friend" but I dont. I have a problem...
I have this friend who has a friend (LOL) who wants to join Freemasonry. He has put him onto me as the go-to guy. I've spoke to him on the phone, nice guy, seems to want to join for the right reasons, etc. The man who referred the potential candidate to me is a Bro, so that's good, but has not known him for the required period of time (12 months here). This is all very normal stuff for me, I've been involved in this a lot. I don't know him, so I can't propose him. We have a mechanism through GL to deal with that via interview and the man will be proposed by dispensation. Our current WM of my mother Lodge came into the Craft like that, as did many others I have contact with. All business as normal for me.
Here's the problem. He does not want to tell his wife. His background is Pakistani and his wife has "village thinking" where Freemasons are evil villains. He's explore it tentatively with her, but got no where so he's dropped it... His proposed plan is to join and then tell his wife with first hand knowledge that we are a-okay. I've said to him, the mantra here is Family First, Work Second, then Freemasonry. With that, I would not personally propose a guy who did not have his wife's support because if we damaged a marriage or family where it was such an obvious risk, well, we'd be completely doing the wrong thing - and that's not what Freemasons do. I've told him he should talk to her. I've told him when GL interviews him, they will probe about this to make sure a potential candidate has the support of his wife. At face value, he's not the sort of guy who would lie, but he is an intelligent salesperson who could easily steer a conversation away from a topic that will put him on the rocks.
I'm thinking he needs to intro his wife to some Freemasons. We've got some events they could come along to. He's not keen. He likes his plan. I don't because it exposes his relationship with wife to some level of risk. Enough said.
We don't let Petitions progress if they will be blackballed, but I am not sure I would vote against him because we are grown ups who need to take responsibility for our own decisions and I think of my mentor who wanted to join Freemasonry when he was younger and it was "next year when i am Master" from the guy who was going to propose him and it did not happen for another 25 years and he always regretted being denied that time in Freemasonry..
A strong thought is to invite them to a function, try and find some Pakistani Freemason to host them, but that's more easily said than done, because the lodges concerned, while both having Indians and Sri Lankans, do not have Pakistanis in them. I simply do not have the time to invest in getting to know his wife and sorting this out....
Should I be encouraging this guy ? He's very keen to become a Freemason. Given he meets the landmarks and other requirements well and easily, and prima facie has the character of a Freemason, do I have a right or responsibility to protect him from himself, if there is even anything to protect? After all, who am I to judge how he should run his marriage...
My advice to me would be to advise him to either get her consent, or put his marriage first, but that's really sitting badly with me because he might not get to do something which made me a better man an improved my relationships, including that with my partner.. If I was WM, well, I think I would tell him to obtain his wife's consent or he's positioning himself to fail in Freemasonry and as a husband; but I am not in a position where I need to make that call, I am an advisor not a decision maker in this.
What are your thoughts on the above ?
I have this friend who has a friend (LOL) who wants to join Freemasonry. He has put him onto me as the go-to guy. I've spoke to him on the phone, nice guy, seems to want to join for the right reasons, etc. The man who referred the potential candidate to me is a Bro, so that's good, but has not known him for the required period of time (12 months here). This is all very normal stuff for me, I've been involved in this a lot. I don't know him, so I can't propose him. We have a mechanism through GL to deal with that via interview and the man will be proposed by dispensation. Our current WM of my mother Lodge came into the Craft like that, as did many others I have contact with. All business as normal for me.
Here's the problem. He does not want to tell his wife. His background is Pakistani and his wife has "village thinking" where Freemasons are evil villains. He's explore it tentatively with her, but got no where so he's dropped it... His proposed plan is to join and then tell his wife with first hand knowledge that we are a-okay. I've said to him, the mantra here is Family First, Work Second, then Freemasonry. With that, I would not personally propose a guy who did not have his wife's support because if we damaged a marriage or family where it was such an obvious risk, well, we'd be completely doing the wrong thing - and that's not what Freemasons do. I've told him he should talk to her. I've told him when GL interviews him, they will probe about this to make sure a potential candidate has the support of his wife. At face value, he's not the sort of guy who would lie, but he is an intelligent salesperson who could easily steer a conversation away from a topic that will put him on the rocks.
I'm thinking he needs to intro his wife to some Freemasons. We've got some events they could come along to. He's not keen. He likes his plan. I don't because it exposes his relationship with wife to some level of risk. Enough said.
We don't let Petitions progress if they will be blackballed, but I am not sure I would vote against him because we are grown ups who need to take responsibility for our own decisions and I think of my mentor who wanted to join Freemasonry when he was younger and it was "next year when i am Master" from the guy who was going to propose him and it did not happen for another 25 years and he always regretted being denied that time in Freemasonry..
A strong thought is to invite them to a function, try and find some Pakistani Freemason to host them, but that's more easily said than done, because the lodges concerned, while both having Indians and Sri Lankans, do not have Pakistanis in them. I simply do not have the time to invest in getting to know his wife and sorting this out....
Should I be encouraging this guy ? He's very keen to become a Freemason. Given he meets the landmarks and other requirements well and easily, and prima facie has the character of a Freemason, do I have a right or responsibility to protect him from himself, if there is even anything to protect? After all, who am I to judge how he should run his marriage...
My advice to me would be to advise him to either get her consent, or put his marriage first, but that's really sitting badly with me because he might not get to do something which made me a better man an improved my relationships, including that with my partner.. If I was WM, well, I think I would tell him to obtain his wife's consent or he's positioning himself to fail in Freemasonry and as a husband; but I am not in a position where I need to make that call, I am an advisor not a decision maker in this.
What are your thoughts on the above ?